Shalom Auslander

Elie said that his big brother said that Rabbi Breyer once broke a student's nose by slapping the student's face. Dov said that his big brother said that Rabbi Breyer had once broken a student's arm when he was dragging the student from the room for talking during prayers. Rabbi Breyer was the scariest rabbi in the whole yeshiva. © BF-WATCH TV 2021

Elie said that his big brother said that Rabbi Breyer once broke a student's nose by slapping the student's face. Dov said that his big brother said that Rabbi Breyer had once broken a student's arm when he was dragging the student from the room for talking during prayers. Rabbi Breyer was the scariest rabbi in the whole yeshiva. © BF-WATCH TV 2021

And when, at the end of the first test, at the end of the first week, Rabbi Breyer shouted, pencils down, it was as if the commandment had come from God himself. At recess, we stood huddled together on the concrete slab beside the door, afraid to play, worried that Breyer was somewhere watching. Avi and Ellie started flipping baseball cards.

And when, at the end of the first test, at the end of the first week, Rabbi Breyer shouted, pencils down, it was as if the commandment had come from God himself. At recess, we stood huddled together on the concrete slab beside the door, afraid to play, worried that Breyer was somewhere watching. Avi and Ellie started flipping baseball cards.

Flipping cards is considered gambling, which is forbidden, so we were supposed to return the cards to each other at the end of recess. Nobody ever did. Ellie won a large stack of cards from Avi, and I flipped Ellie next. I lost an old Willie Randolph, an afraid Lou Piniella, but I won a mint Carl Yastrzemski, whom I was pretty sure was Jewish. I'd been trying to win him for months.

Flipping cards is considered gambling, which is forbidden, so we were supposed to return the cards to each other at the end of recess. Nobody ever did. Ellie won a large stack of cards from Avi, and I flipped Ellie next. I lost an old Willie Randolph, an afraid Lou Piniella, but I won a mint Carl Yastrzemski, whom I was pretty sure was Jewish. I'd been trying to win him for months.

The bell rang and everyone headed glumly back to class, where we sat quietly at our desks, waiting for Rabbi Breyer to return. I took out my Kali Yastremski, turned it over, and carefully wrote my name across the back. I didn't want to lose him and didn't plan on flipping him. "'Name of the Creator!' Rabbi Breyer shouted.

The bell rang and everyone headed glumly back to class, where we sat quietly at our desks, waiting for Rabbi Breyer to return. I took out my Kali Yastremski, turned it over, and carefully wrote my name across the back. I didn't want to lose him and didn't plan on flipping him. "'Name of the Creator!' Rabbi Breyer shouted.

I jumped and turned to find him standing beside me, his face red, his furious finger pointing at the baseball card on my desk." Name of the creator, he shouted again. He grabbed the card from my desk. Name of the creator? I was confused. Yaz? Rabbi Breyer slapped my hand, grabbed me by the ear, and led me to the head of the classroom. He held Yastrzemski over his head and shook him.

I jumped and turned to find him standing beside me, his face red, his furious finger pointing at the baseball card on my desk." Name of the creator, he shouted again. He grabbed the card from my desk. Name of the creator? I was confused. Yaz? Rabbi Breyer slapped my hand, grabbed me by the ear, and led me to the head of the classroom. He held Yastrzemski over his head and shook him.

This, he declared loudly, must never be thrown away. It must never touch the ground. It must never be covered. Then Rabbi Breyer waved the card in my face and told me that my name was the same name as God's, and I must never write it again. The Jewish God has 72 names, and even though I was only eight years old, I already knew a lot of them. There was Adonai, there was Yahweh, there was Elohim.

This, he declared loudly, must never be thrown away. It must never touch the ground. It must never be covered. Then Rabbi Breyer waved the card in my face and told me that my name was the same name as God's, and I must never write it again. The Jewish God has 72 names, and even though I was only eight years old, I already knew a lot of them. There was Adonai, there was Yahweh, there was Elohim.

There was He who was full of mercy, He who was quick to anger, the Holy Spirit, the Divine Presence, the Rock, the Savior, and now, somewhere near the bottom of the list, there was Shalom. Peace. My name.

There was He who was full of mercy, He who was quick to anger, the Holy Spirit, the Divine Presence, the Rock, the Savior, and now, somewhere near the bottom of the list, there was Shalom. Peace. My name.

Rabbi Breyer handed me the baseball card and told me to take it to the prayer hall upstairs and immediately put it in the Shamos box. Shamos means names, and it was the place where any old or unusable names of God are left to be discarded. Pages from prayer books, crumbling Talmuds, old Torah scrolls, and, from now on, anything I wrote my name on.

Rabbi Breyer handed me the baseball card and told me to take it to the prayer hall upstairs and immediately put it in the Shamos box. Shamos means names, and it was the place where any old or unusable names of God are left to be discarded. Pages from prayer books, crumbling Talmuds, old Torah scrolls, and, from now on, anything I wrote my name on.

When the box was filled, the rabbis would take it outside, dig a hole, and bury the pages in the ground. From now on, Rabbi Breyer said, when writing my name, I was to replace the last Hebrew letter, the M sound, with a simple apostrophe. I was no longer Shalom. I was Shaloh. I headed upstairs with a sigh. Life with God's name was more difficult than I imagined.

When the box was filled, the rabbis would take it outside, dig a hole, and bury the pages in the ground. From now on, Rabbi Breyer said, when writing my name, I was to replace the last Hebrew letter, the M sound, with a simple apostrophe. I was no longer Shalom. I was Shaloh. I headed upstairs with a sigh. Life with God's name was more difficult than I imagined.

I was annoyed with God for being so selfish with them all. He had 71 other names. I couldn't see why he'd mind so much if I used just one. I didn't want to tell God how to do his job, but I wondered if maybe there weren't bigger things for him to be worrying about than who was using one of his six dozen names without permission. Isn't this, I wondered, what led to Holocausts?

I was annoyed with God for being so selfish with them all. He had 71 other names. I couldn't see why he'd mind so much if I used just one. I didn't want to tell God how to do his job, but I wondered if maybe there weren't bigger things for him to be worrying about than who was using one of his six dozen names without permission. Isn't this, I wondered, what led to Holocausts?