Desi Lydic

I don't know if it's relevant to the duties of governor, but good job disarming all those virgins.

Still, Marx wasn't just spending his free time on YouTube.

He also wrote a book called The Dangerous Gentleman, where he made some major claims about his past heroism, which a reporter recently asked him about.

That's amazing.

And I assume a very true story that can withstand a simple follow-up question.

Yeah, it doesn't.

It doesn't sound accurate.

I mean, 130 missions in 30 countries that he can't remember?

That's the plot of The Bourne Identity.

But, you know, maybe it's just a small fabrication.

Certainly he has other areas of expertise, like his devotion to fighting terrorism, even after leaving the military.

So we can't remember where he's been, and he won't tell us how he called in a drone strike.

Definitely a little strange, but again, Americans have become so desensitized to wild political scandals.

At this point, there's nothing that could shock us anymore.

Hey, that was an astoundingly long pause for a very simple math problem.

Please tell me the rest of the answer is less bizarre.

Yeah, I'd say so.

If you want to be in charge of an entire state, your answer to have you killed anyone cannot be a seven minute silence followed by a hard pass.

I mean, could this story get any weirder?

Okay, that's weirder.