Diego 'Yung Pueblo' Perez

And then when she tells me like, this is important for me, I'm like, great, I can do that for you. If that makes you happy, I don't want to do it. But if that makes you happy, I'm down, you know, because that feels sweeter to me. So being able to communicate with that, I would have never been able to read her mind, but she just made it clear.

If that makes you happy, I don't want to do it. But if that makes you happy, I'm down, you know, because that feels sweeter to me. So being able to communicate with that, I would have never been able to read her mind, but she just made it clear.

And it can be simple as something like that or something like one of my favorite stories is from my wife's mom and dad, where when they were having an argument pretty soon after they got married, this was back when they were younger, they're in their seventies now. My wife's mom was saying how they were arguing about something, but his tone became really loud.

And to her, it felt like he was screaming. So she told him, she was like, I want to have so many arguments with you. I want to be married to you for decades. And I know that marriage comes with arguments. But please just talk to me. Don't raise your voice because then I feel threatened. I feel scared. And he was like, great.

But you know, in that moment, she said, this is how I want to be supported. Can you do this for me? And he was like, of course. For him, it didn't even feel like screaming. He just was a little louder, but that's how he grew up in his house. So you can't make those things clear without communicating about them.

I think there's a very practical thing that you can do. And you can do this whether you're in a relationship with someone or you just have roommates. My wife and I, we started noticing when we were meditating that our minds just did not want to take any accountability.

I think for the first part of our relationship, whenever one of us would feel tension, we would just try to put the blame on the other person. Even if it was illogical, even if it made no sense, it was like, how do I make this tension in my mind your fault? And... This happened over and over and over.

I think there's a very practical thing that you can do. And you can do this whether you're in a relationship with someone or you just have roommates. My wife and I, we started noticing when we were meditating that our minds just did not want to take any accountability.

And then we realized we were like, wait, actually me feeling down in this moment has nothing to do with you. Sometimes it does. Sometimes we say something and we need to apologize, but we were noticing like 70% of the time, I'm like just looking for reasons to fight. And what we found to counteract that was when we wake up, let's just tell each other how we feel in a very passive way.

I think for the first part of our relationship, whenever one of us would feel tension, we would just try to put the blame on the other person. Even if it was illogical, even if it made no sense, it was like, how do I make this tension in my mind your fault? And... This happened over and over and over.

Just tell each other, I feel good right now, or I feel heavy, or I didn't get a lot of rest. I woke up really tired, or I feel a little angry. And just knowing these bits of information Because you're naming it, the person who's feeling it is naming it and your partner's hearing it, for you, that makes you aware of where your mind is at.

And then we realized we were like, wait, actually me feeling down in this moment has nothing to do with you. Sometimes it does. Sometimes we say something and we need to apologize, but we were noticing like 70% of the time, I'm like just looking for reasons to fight. And what we found to counteract that was when we wake up, let's just tell each other how we feel in a very passive way.

And then your mind doesn't jump into just creating more narratives to make it worse. And then your partner also knows, oh, let me give them their space. Let me treat them a little more gently. Is there anything I can do to make your day easier? But that gives the both of you the information you need to work with the situation.

Just tell each other, I feel good right now, or I feel heavy, or I didn't get a lot of rest. I woke up really tired, or I feel a little angry. And just knowing these bits of information Because you're naming it, the person who's feeling it is naming it and your partner's hearing it. For you, that makes you aware of where your mind is at.

And we do that one time in the morning and then one time in the early afternoon. And honestly, that's been so helpful because then I know if I hear stress in her voice, it's not really about me because she already told me that she was feeling stress and vice versa.

And then your mind doesn't jump into just creating more narratives to make it worse. And then your partner also knows, oh, let me give them their space. Let me treat them a little more gently. Is there anything I can do to make your day easier? But that gives the both of you the information you need to work with the situation.

And it's not formal. It's not like, oh, let's sit down and check in. It's not like that. It's like, it's easy. It's just... You just say it without someone even asking you. And whenever she tells me, when there's a big shift in her mood, I'm like, amazing. Thank you for giving me the information I need to be successful.

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