Dr. Alison Wood Brooks

That's like listening 101.

All right.

So don't turn your back on your husband if you're listening to him.

Exactly.

We could try it.

But the listening 201, sort of more advanced, is using your words to show someone that you've heard them.

So while nodding and smiling and facing someone can be faked, right?

Even if you were facing your husband, you could have been nodding and smiling and not listening to him.

The fact that you were able to repeat back exactly what he said, he should be thrilled, right?

Like you really were listening to him and you were able to repeat it back, but you didn't make him feel heard in that moment.

With your nonverbal cues.

I heard everything that you said.

So that was bad on me.

That's part of it.

Yeah, that's part of it.

But this using your words is really important.

So the best listening often is spoken.

It includes repeating back what someone has said to you.

It can be in validating or affirming them and their feelings, saying like, oh, I'm hearing that you sound a little bit sad about that.

It makes sense that you would feel sad about whatever, the fact that you didn't win the role in the school play.