Dr. Alison Wood Brooks

but affirming their feelings before you go on to disagree with them.

And say, you're a piece of shit for saying that.

No, you're not supposed to say that part.

No, I mean, I think you can even say that.

Like, it makes sense that you feel that way.

And also, it's not a particularly kind, you can see why I would be upset by it.

Both can be true, right?

It makes sense that you feel this way.

It makes sense that you're stressed or tired and you said something that you probably wouldn't say if you were not stressed or tired.

That all makes sense.

I realize you're a human being and I love and respect you, but also what you just said was hurtful to me.

If you can come with that mindset, so acknowledgement, affirmation, positive framing, there are words that they call, oh gosh, it's like dogmatic or explaining words.

So words like because and therefore are

are very hard to be on the receiving end of, that are expressed too much certainty.

Like you're wrong because of this, therefore I'm not talking to you anymore.

Those are escalation words.

They're expressing too much certainty, too much sort of righteousness, and they're very hard to hear on the other end.

There's a strategy that I like to use that combines all of these receptiveness, all the receptiveness language, and that's dividing yourself into multiple parts in the moment.

Let me give you an example.

Yeah.