Dr. Alison Wood Brooks

And you know what's funny?

These comments that are so hurtful, it's coming from a place of love.

They want you to meet somebody because they want you to be happy and they think you're great.

But it's still annoying that they're saying it.

So you in that moment could say, as your daughter, I am so grateful that you love me so much that you want me to meet somebody and you think I'm so great that I deserve to be with somebody.

At the same time, putting on my whatever, therapist hat, friend hat, feedback giver hat, you can see why maybe that like saying this to me isn't actually that helpful to me in this moment.

So saying like affirming them before then going on and saying, also, I don't find that very motivating.

Like I don't find this very helpful to me.

I find this dividing yourself into multiple parts so helpful because it's true.

I always feel that way.

I always want to support my friends and loved ones.

I always understand where they're coming from.

And also what they're saying is often,

Not nice.

So being able to express both of those sentiments within the same breath can be really, really empowering.

Now, if it's somebody who you've tried this approach, you've tried to give them this feedback, they keep doing it or they keep, you know, raising topics you don't want to argue over.

It is actually OK to not engage with them about it.

You know, if your parents keep bringing up their different political views, you don't have to engage with them about it.

That's fine.

It helps to have, again, back to this tea, if you have other good topics, it helps a lot to just move quickly to a different topic that is actually mutually rewarding for you.