Dr. Alison Wood Brooks

And you're often focusing on yourself the whole way along.

Researchers have sort of found consensus on this idea that failures in perspective taking, being able to understand the other person's point of view and their mind is the single greatest

barrier to conflict resolution and to connection.

And that's true at every moment of every conversation.

We struggle to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling and what they're going to say and do next.

We rely on our own beliefs, our own opinions, our own feelings to guess how somebody else is feeling.

And we're really bad at guessing.

Because conversation is co-constructed.

It's between two people or more.

It's not a you thing.

It's completely separate from public speaking, which where it's like one person standing on a stage, not getting a response.

Dialogue is about back and forth.

You take turns speaking and listening.

And you don't know what your partner's going to say next, but you're going to have to respond to it.

It's co-created.

So it's really not about you.

It's about you plus the other person and what you can build together.

I love that.

T stands for topics.

A stands for asking.