Dr. Alison Wood Brooks

But in today's day and age, it also holds us back from really connecting with other people.

You have to relentlessly sort of fight against your self-centered instincts to really focus on another person.

Do you think that's true?

I don't know.

I don't think every generation is getting worse.

I think people, human beings, have probably always struggled with conversation.

Let me back up for a moment.

In the book, we talk about conversation as a coordination game.

And a coordination game is any sort of decision you need to make independently between two or more people.

where you can't communicate.

So the game of chicken is a good example where you're sort of hurtling towards each other and you have to choose, do I veer left or veer right?

And both people have to choose without talking to each other.

They have to coordinate, okay?

So a conversation is like this game of chicken, except you're making these relentless coordination decisions.

You're deciding, what are we going to talk about?

What am I going to disclose about it?

How are we going to talk about it?

Are we going to be silly?

Are we going to be serious?

Oh, so there's this focus on the self, which starts you from a place of getting you off on a bad foot.