Dr. Amir Levine

Oftentimes they do.

You think, oh, they don't care, but it's not the truth.

It's oftentimes they've been the recipient of that criticism all the time.

what people often don't understand is that attachment is something very simple.

It's not about those big gestures, because oftentimes they will bring the gifts and they will do some of those big gestures.

It's nice to have the big gestures, but what really matters to the attachment neurocircuitry are what I've come to called CMEs, which really stands for the Seemingly Insignificant Minor Interactions of Everyday Life.

So we tend to think that relationships really

what's really important is those big gestures but really what's really important remember it's a radar it's constantly surveilling for the availability of the other person so those see me's the little things that people don't really give much attention to they're actually crucial for

our attachment or circuitry to keep it at bay to keep it under wraps so we can engage in exploration so really it's more about texting people in the morning or texting them in like at lunchtime it's little gestures that don't take a lot

that then give the avoidant the space that they need.

That's what I try to teach people, especially avoidants, to step up, but not in the way that you think about stepping up, in the little semis stepping up, because that's what really matters the most to our neurocircuitry.

Thanks, Mike.

All right, Amir.

Very nice talking to you.