Dr. Amir Levine

So yes, think about it this way.

Let's say you have an anxious attachment style and throughout your life, you were in insecure relationships where the other person was not consistent, available, and responsive.

And you were always like, are they going to call?

Where are they?

What's going to happen?

Is the relationship fine?

Is it not fine?

You ask for closeness, but they step away.

You go on a trip.

and you're hoping to walk hand in hand together and look at things, but they walk ahead of you all the time because they need more space.

And you just learned that this is life and this is how it's going to be.

And then you get into a different relationship and all of a sudden it's very, very different.

They always call you whenever you call, they never get upset.

They text you on time.

And initially a lot of people,

actually don't even feel comfortable with it it's like what is this i'm not used to this is this real they get very uncomfortable and suspicious and one of the biggest things that i do in therapy is like no no this is actually good for you don't run away from it because that's going to change you in such a profound way it really changes your expectations it overwrites your belief system by simply by having a different

Like having someone behave so differently that it refutes all of those initial beliefs that you've been carrying around for all this time.

So that's how some of the change happens.

And also the other way for avoidance that happens in a very similar way too.

Right, but the thing is, what usually happens when you come and you say this to avoidants, first of all, they feel bad enough about themselves.