Something You Should Know
What Your Attachment Style Reveals & The Trouble with Predictions
20 Apr 2026
Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
I know you like interesting and thought-provoking conversations and ideas because you listen to something you should know. So let me recommend another podcast I know you will enjoy. It's The Jordan Harbinger Show. Jordan has a real talent for getting his guests to share stories and offer thought-provoking insights.
Over the years, I've sent a lot of people to listen, and I get feedback from people who are so glad I introduced them to The Jordan Harbinger Show. Recently, he discussed Scientology and the children who are raised in that organization. It's a fascinating conversation. And he talked with Dr. Rhonda Patrick about how to protect your mind and body from the modern world.
And it's tougher than you think. I've gotten to know Jordan pretty well. We talk frequently, and I tell you, he is a very smart, insightful guy who does a hell of a podcast. Check out The Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Today, on Something You Should Know, why adding more choices can completely mess up your decision-making.
Then, why it's so important to understand your attachment style and the attachment style of others.
Just knowing about these attachment styles, knowing that not everybody sees the world the way that you do, that people experience relationships differently, for me, that was a revelation. It's basically what led me to get into this area, both as a therapist and as a researcher.
Also, who you should and shouldn't turn to for emotional support and how predictions work and they don't work the way you think.
If I predict that it will rain tomorrow, it will have no effect on whether it actually rains. But when I make a social prediction, that's very different because it changes the expectations of people if people believe me and that changes that which I'm predicting.
All this today on Something You Should Know.
Hey, it's Hillary Frank from The Longest Shortest Time, an award-winning podcast about parenthood and reproductive health. We talk about things like sex ed, birth control, pregnancy, bodily autonomy, and, of course, kids of all ages. But you don't have to be a parent to listen.
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Chapter 2: Why does having more choices complicate decision-making?
Yeah, definitely. So it turns out, and I didn't know it myself, and when I came across it, it felt like a light bulb went on for me. There is a science of how we behave in close relationships, both romantic and non-romantic. And there's several decades of research that has gone into it, and it has to do with the science of adult attachment. And it really explains
to us why we behave the way we do. So really understanding your attachment style and also the attachment styles of others, it really gives you a roadmap to deciphering better what's happening in a relationship. So I guess it's best to start with what the different attachment styles are to begin with. There's the anxious, avoidant, secure, and fearful avoidance.
These are the four attachment styles. And it all has to do with how comfortable you feel with intimacy and closeness, but also how sensitive of a radar do you have for potential threat or potentially something going wrong in your relationship.
So if you love intimacy and closeness, you can't get enough of it, but you also are very, very sensitive to potential threat in the relationship, you just notice things a lot more, then you have an anxious attachment style. You worry more about the relationship not working out, that you're not going to be loved the way that you love.
There's a lot of worry that goes into having an anxious attachment style. And then if you have a secure attachment style, you also love a lot of intimacy and closeness, but you don't have a sensitive radar. So a lot of things go over your head. You don't notice little things in the relationship.
So it's much easier for you to be warm and loving, and you don't get upset that often in relationships. Now, the avoidant attachment style, it has to do more with
feeling uncomfortable with too much closeness they still want to be in relationships but too much closeness just like doesn't feel good to them so they use what we call deactivating strategies and we're going to talk about there's a lot of attachment lingo that's really important to learn they use different strategies to keep their partners and other people at arm's length they just get like this closeness overdose and they just
try to keep a little bit more measure of distance. So these are the three main attachment styles. And then there's the fearful avoidant that's much more rare. That's a combination of anxious and avoidant. So you both, you want closeness and you long for closeness, but once you get it, you feel uncomfortable.
So it's like with one hand you motion, come close, and then the other hand you motion, stay away, stay away. That's the fearful avoidant attachment style.
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Chapter 3: What are the four primary attachment styles?
And I think it's been really helpful. I've been speaking with Dr. Amir Levine. He is a psychiatrist and neuroscientist at Columbia University. And he's author of the book, Attached. The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love. He's also the author of another book called Secure, The Revolutionary Guide to Creating a Secure Life.
And there's a link to both of those books in the show notes. Also, earlier in the episode, Amir mentioned a quiz that's on his website, and so there's a link to his website in the show notes as well.
Thanks, Mike. All right, Amir. Very nice talking to you.
Every day, your life is shaped by predictions. And you probably pay attention to them because, well, people like and trust predictions. After all, they're based on data, science, or sophisticated technology. But what if predictions aren't really about seeing the future? What if they're actually about influencing it?
Because once a prediction is made about your behavior or your risk or your potential, it can start to shape outcomes in ways you don't even notice. My guest says this isn't new. Predictions have always carried power, not just to forecast the future, but to control it.
Carissa Valise is an associate professor at the Institute for Ethics in AI at the University of Oxford, and she's author of the book Prophecy, Prediction, Power, and the Fight for the Future from Ancient Oracles to AI. Carissa, welcome to Something You Should Know.
Thank you for having me, Mike.
It seems like human nature to want to predict the future and to also hear other predictions about the future because, you know, it's something. You know, I want to hear the weather prediction for tomorrow because, yes, it could be wrong. But it's probably not too wrong and, you know, gives me something to go on.
But, you know, if you want to predict the winning lottery numbers, well, you know, I'm not too interested in that because you can't do that. I mean, some things are predictable and some things are not predictable. And the predictable things I think I want to hear about. I'd rather hear a prediction from someone with a track record of making accurate predictions than to just be flying blind.
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Chapter 4: How can understanding your attachment style improve relationships?
So we need some guidance as to which kinds of predictions are the ones that actually enlighten us and are helpful to navigate the world, and which kinds of predictions might be leading us astray at best or at worst, creating incredible kinds of injustice and then covering them up.
It also seems that the prediction, how the prediction is made makes a big difference. If it's just my opinion, that's one thing. If there's some data to support the prediction, that's something else entirely.
That is true, but there's a lot of nuance about it. For example, in the case of making decisions about loans or about jobs, we never collect the data of the person who didn't get the job. So data can be very misleading sometimes.
And sometimes, in other cases in which we're looking at events that we've never seen before, for example, climate change, there is no database about it, about the future.
And having data but not having the right data can sometimes lead us astray by making us think that we can just project the future from data from the past, when in fact we're looking at something that is substantially different from what we've seen before.
Well, certainly most predictions, it would seem, a lot of them are based on the past, that what is likely to happen in the future is probably what's happened in the past or some variation of that, but that the basis for the prediction is what has happened before.
Yes, and for the most part that is obviously a smart way to navigate the world. If every day the sun comes out it seems like a good bet that it's coming out tomorrow as well. Except there are cases in which it doesn't.
So one classical example in philosophy is that of a turkey who is being fed every day and taken care of, and every day that passes the turkey feels safer and safer and better well cared for. And in fact, every day that passes he's more at risk because Thanksgiving is nearer and nearer and nearer.
Understanding what you're saying about predictions and the dangers of them, what would be better, though? I mean, it seems like it's an inexact science at best, but there's nothing better, right?
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