What Your Attachment Style Reveals & The Trouble with Predictions

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Something You Should Know 47 min 5 speakers 4 chapters transcribed 4 months ago

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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

Mike Carruthers 0:00

I know you like interesting and thought-provoking conversations and ideas because you listen to something you should know. So let me recommend another podcast I know you will enjoy. It's The Jordan Harbinger Show. Jordan has a real talent for getting his guests to share stories and offer thought-provoking insights. Over the years, I've sent a lot of people to listen, and I get feedback from people who are so glad I introduced them to The Jordan Harbinger Show. Recently, he discussed Scientology and the children who are raised in that organization. It's a fascinating conversation. And he talked with Dr. Rhonda Patrick about how to protect your mind and body from the modern world. And it's tougher than you think.

Mike Carruthers 0:46

I've gotten to know Jordan pretty well. We talk frequently, and I tell you, he is a very smart, insightful guy who does a hell of a podcast. Check out The Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Today, on Something You Should Know, why adding more choices can completely mess up your decision-making. Then, why it's so important to understand your attachment style and the attachment style of others.

Dr. Amir Levine 1:17

Just knowing about these attachment styles, knowing that not everybody sees the world the way that you do, that people experience relationships differently, for me, that was a revelation. It's basically what led me to get into this area, both as a therapist and as a researcher.

Mike Carruthers 1:32

Also, who you should and shouldn't turn to for emotional support and how predictions work and they don't work the way you think.

Carissa Véliz 1:42

If I predict that it will rain tomorrow, it will have no effect on whether it actually rains. But when I make a social prediction, that's very different because it changes the expectations of people if people believe me and that changes that which I'm predicting.

Mike Carruthers 1:57

All this today on Something You Should Know.

Hillary Frank 2:02

Hey, it's Hillary Frank from The Longest Shortest Time, an award-winning podcast about parenthood and reproductive health. We talk about things like sex ed, birth control, pregnancy, bodily autonomy, and, of course, kids of all ages. But you don't have to be a parent to listen. If you like surprising, funny, poignant stories about human relationships and, you know, periods, The Longest Shortest Time is for you. Find us in any podcast app or at LongestShortestTime.com.

Unknown 2:34

Something you should know. Fascinating intel. The world's top experts. And practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers.

Mike Carruthers 2:47

You think smart people make smart decisions? Not even close. That's what we're going to start with today. I'm Micah Ruthers. Welcome to Something You Should Know. So you would think that smart people make smart decisions, but the fact is that the more options you give someone, even a smart person, the worse their decisions get. When you're choosing between two things, it's pretty straightforward. It's this one or that one. But add in a third option, even one that's clearly inferior, and suddenly people start changing their minds. And not in a logical way. That extra choice can actually push you towards an option you wouldn't have picked otherwise. Researchers have found that our brains don't compare choices in a clean, rational line.

Mike Carruthers 3:38

Instead, we evaluate things relative to each other, and that creates noise in the decision-making process. The result is irrelevant options can sway us, confuse us, and even trick us into making worse decisions. It's why marketers often include a decoy option, something designed not to be chosen but to make another choice look better. And it works surprisingly well, even on very smart people. And that is something you should know. When you're in a relationship with someone, you're not just reacting to that person in the moment, you're following a pattern. Psychologists call it your attachment style. And once you understand your attachment style, a lot of your relationship behavior suddenly starts to make sense.

Mike Carruthers 4:33

You begin to see why some people seem confident and comfortable with intimacy, while others worry, pull away, or struggle to connect.

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Chapters

4 chapters

1 What is the main topic discussed in this episode? 0:00–5:38 2 Why does having more choices complicate decision-making? 5:38–23:30 3 What are the four primary attachment styles? 23:30–27:14 4 How can understanding your attachment style improve relationships? 27:14–47:01

Speakers

5 identified

Mike Carruthers 15 min Dr. Amir Levine 14 min Carissa Véliz 13 min Hillary Frank 1 min Unknown

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Topics in this episode

Columbia University 2 Mike Carruthers 2 Something You Should Know 3 The Jordan Harbinger Show 3 The Longest Shortest Time 3 Hillary Frank 2 attachment style 1 Amir Levine 2 Attached 2 Secure 1 Prophecy, Prediction, Power, and the Fight for the Future 1 prediction 2

Source

Recorded20 Apr 2026

Publisherfeeds.megaphone.fm

Transcriptspeaker-named · 100+ languages

Handlerec:18026323

Show notes

Choosing between two options can feel straightforward. Add a third—and suddenly the decision gets harder. Add more, and it can become overwhelming. There’s a surprising reason your brain struggles when options multiply, and it can quietly influence the choices you make every day. https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/decoy-effect In every close relationship, there is an underlying pattern that shapes how you connect, respond, and react—your attachment style. It influences how you handle conflict, how secure you feel, and even who you’re drawn to. Dr. Amir Levine, psychiatrist, neuroscientist at Columbia University, and co-author of Attached (https://amzn.to/48CJBKV) and Secure (https://amzn.to/47TdTcd), explains the four primary attachment styles and how understanding yours—and your partner’s—can shed light on relationship dynamics that often feel confusing or frustrating. If you want to explore your own attachment style, you can take a quiz at: https://amirlevinemd.com/ Predictions are supposed to help us understand what’s coming next. But in many cases, they do something far stranger—they actually help shape the future they claim to forecast. And despite the confidence of experts, humans are notoriously bad at predicting what will happen, even in fields they know well. Carissa Véliz, associate professor at the Institute for Ethics in AI at the University of Oxford and author of Prophecy: Prediction, Power, and the Fight for the Future, from Ancient Oracles to AI (https://amzn.to/4mleiKt), explains why predictions are so unreliable, how they influence behavior, and why we should be more skeptical of them than we are. When you need advice or someone to truly understand what you’re going through, not all perspectives are equal. There’s evidence that people of a certain age—and life experience—may be better at offering empathy and insight than others. https://isr.umich.edu/news-events/news-releases/age-and-empathy-middle-aged-are-most-likely-to-feel-your-pain Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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