Dr. Angela Duckworth

And she was raised to submit all of her own desires and dreams to her husbands.

Her mother laid her hands on her shoulders one day and said, you are ready to be a wife.

And when I graduated from Harvard, the day of my graduation, my mother laid her hands on my shoulders and she said, I'm so proud of you.

You are ready to be a wife.

So what did I, you know, then progress to do?

Well, by the way, I have a growth mindset and so does my mom.

And that was now 33 years ago.

And we have both grown a lot.

Mm-hmm.

I have developed into a woman who believes that if I only do things for other people, I will never do things well enough for those people.

I took so long to learn this.

I have a therapist named Dee.

And in a conversation that is not older than seven days, Mel, so this is...

You know, a constant journey or it's a constant practice of mine to just try to remind myself because it goes so deep with me.

She said, Angela, I think we should ban the word should.

I said, what do you mean?

She said, I think whenever, because I was telling her about a particular, you know, task that I was about to shoulder and I was using the word should, I was like, I should take care of this problem.

And she said, I wonder whether you can answer the question why you're doing that without the word should.

So, of course, the academic in me comes out and I'm like, well, you know, we have all these should emotions like shame and embarrassment for a reason, D, you know, otherwise we wouldn't have morals and ethics like should is a good word.

You'd be a pain in the ass as a client for a therapist.