Dr. Becky Kennedy

A lot of us, especially women, when we were growing up, we learned to notice everyone's feelings around us. And we learned that our value, really, and our worth, really, and we were kind of best and good girls when we took care of everyone else's feelings except for our own.

A lot of us, especially women, when we were growing up, we learned to notice everyone's feelings around us. And we learned that our value, really, and our worth, really, and we were kind of best and good girls when we took care of everyone else's feelings except for our own.

I think so many young girls especially become expert at what people need of them by becoming distant from what they need for themselves.

I think so many young girls especially become expert at what people need of them by becoming distant from what they need for themselves.

I think so many young girls especially become expert at what people need of them by becoming distant from what they need for themselves.

Yeah, and kids are oriented by attachment. They have to learn with their families, how do I become the most lovable, safest version of myself? So I have a friend who, it's true, I remember her, even in middle school, I can't come. My dad's traveling and my mom really needs me to stay home and watch a movie with her, right? And I know this mom well. It's like, oh, you don't love me.

Yeah, and kids are oriented by attachment. They have to learn with their families, how do I become the most lovable, safest version of myself? So I have a friend who, it's true, I remember her, even in middle school, I can't come. My dad's traveling and my mom really needs me to stay home and watch a movie with her, right? And I know this mom well. It's like, oh, you don't love me.

Yeah, and kids are oriented by attachment. They have to learn with their families, how do I become the most lovable, safest version of myself? So I have a friend who, it's true, I remember her, even in middle school, I can't come. My dad's traveling and my mom really needs me to stay home and watch a movie with her, right? And I know this mom well. It's like, oh, you don't love me.

You don't, right? I mean, this was so she became expert at always noticing other people's emotions and not only noticing them, taking the emotions from them, kind of like taking them into their body and almost metabolizing them for them. That's not guilt. That is taking someone else's emotions and taking them into your body at the expense of taking care of your own needs.

You don't, right? I mean, this was so she became expert at always noticing other people's emotions and not only noticing them, taking the emotions from them, kind of like taking them into their body and almost metabolizing them for them. That's not guilt. That is taking someone else's emotions and taking them into your body at the expense of taking care of your own needs.

You don't, right? I mean, this was so she became expert at always noticing other people's emotions and not only noticing them, taking the emotions from them, kind of like taking them into their body and almost metabolizing them for them. That's not guilt. That is taking someone else's emotions and taking them into your body at the expense of taking care of your own needs.

And so I have a visual for this because I think it's really powerful where let's say it's the situation where a mom is saying, I really want to go out to dinner, but I feel so guilty. First thing is just powerful to say that is not guilt. It is something else and it is real and it is powerful, but it is not guilt. What is happening?

And so I have a visual for this because I think it's really powerful where let's say it's the situation where a mom is saying, I really want to go out to dinner, but I feel so guilty. First thing is just powerful to say that is not guilt. It is something else and it is real and it is powerful, but it is not guilt. What is happening?

And so I have a visual for this because I think it's really powerful where let's say it's the situation where a mom is saying, I really want to go out to dinner, but I feel so guilty. First thing is just powerful to say that is not guilt. It is something else and it is real and it is powerful, but it is not guilt. What is happening?

I'm on one side of a tennis court, like me and you, Andrew, but let's say it's a tennis court, and you're on the other side, and in between, instead of a net, it's like a glass table. Over here, I am here in my desire to go out with my friends because I do value my friendships. Okay, over there, you're upset about it, and let's say instead you're my daughter. You're like, no, no, don't go.

I'm on one side of a tennis court, like me and you, Andrew, but let's say it's a tennis court, and you're on the other side, and in between, instead of a net, it's like a glass table. Over here, I am here in my desire to go out with my friends because I do value my friendships. Okay, over there, you're upset about it, and let's say instead you're my daughter. You're like, no, no, don't go.

I'm on one side of a tennis court, like me and you, Andrew, but let's say it's a tennis court, and you're on the other side, and in between, instead of a net, it's like a glass table. Over here, I am here in my desire to go out with my friends because I do value my friendships. Okay, over there, you're upset about it, and let's say instead you're my daughter. You're like, no, no, don't go.

No one else can put me to bed. That is definitely hard to deal with, but that is... daughter's feelings. Those are not your feelings. Those are your daughter's feelings. And some of us slash a lot of us have developed this tendency where we're on this court and all of a sudden, all those feelings from your side somehow go through that wall and they come to your side and you call it guilt.

No one else can put me to bed. That is definitely hard to deal with, but that is... daughter's feelings. Those are not your feelings. Those are your daughter's feelings. And some of us slash a lot of us have developed this tendency where we're on this court and all of a sudden, all those feelings from your side somehow go through that wall and they come to your side and you call it guilt.

No one else can put me to bed. That is definitely hard to deal with, but that is... daughter's feelings. Those are not your feelings. Those are your daughter's feelings. And some of us slash a lot of us have developed this tendency where we're on this court and all of a sudden, all those feelings from your side somehow go through that wall and they come to your side and you call it guilt.