Dr. Becky Kennedy

It is not guilt. And to me, one of the most liberating things, and this actually relates to empathy, is to give that feeling back to its rightful owner. Because what that means is if I really give it back, Now I have a boundary. That's my kid's feeling. That's not mine. And I can now actually empathize. People said, no, I was empathizing. I wasn't going out. No, no, no, no. That's not empathy.

It is not guilt. And to me, one of the most liberating things, and this actually relates to empathy, is to give that feeling back to its rightful owner. Because what that means is if I really give it back, Now I have a boundary. That's my kid's feeling. That's not mine. And I can now actually empathize. People said, no, I was empathizing. I wasn't going out. No, no, no, no. That's not empathy.

It is not guilt. And to me, one of the most liberating things, and this actually relates to empathy, is to give that feeling back to its rightful owner. Because what that means is if I really give it back, Now I have a boundary. That's my kid's feeling. That's not mine. And I can now actually empathize. People said, no, I was empathizing. I wasn't going out. No, no, no, no. That's not empathy.

You weren't going out with your friends because you couldn't handle the distress in your body. You just made your daughter's feelings your own. You just engaged in something almost selfish. This has nothing to do with your daughter. In those situations, that's why we say weird things to our four-year-old. Like, don't you want mommy to have friends?

You weren't going out with your friends because you couldn't handle the distress in your body. You just made your daughter's feelings your own. You just engaged in something almost selfish. This has nothing to do with your daughter. In those situations, that's why we say weird things to our four-year-old. Like, don't you want mommy to have friends?

You weren't going out with your friends because you couldn't handle the distress in your body. You just made your daughter's feelings your own. You just engaged in something almost selfish. This has nothing to do with your daughter. In those situations, that's why we say weird things to our four-year-old. Like, don't you want mommy to have friends?

I feel like Ford's like, why are you asking me that question? It's like a pilot being like, don't you want me to make an emergency landing? Like, if you need to make an emergency landing, don't ask me for permission. Because once I give it back to my daughter, I can do this. I can say, you really wish I would put you to bed tonight. You're right. It feels so different when grandma does it.

I feel like Ford's like, why are you asking me that question? It's like a pilot being like, don't you want me to make an emergency landing? Like, if you need to make an emergency landing, don't ask me for permission. Because once I give it back to my daughter, I can do this. I can say, you really wish I would put you to bed tonight. You're right. It feels so different when grandma does it.

I feel like Ford's like, why are you asking me that question? It's like a pilot being like, don't you want me to make an emergency landing? Like, if you need to make an emergency landing, don't ask me for permission. Because once I give it back to my daughter, I can do this. I can say, you really wish I would put you to bed tonight. You're right. It feels so different when grandma does it.

Oh, it does. I'm going out. It's okay if you're upset. I'll be back and I'll kiss you and I'll see you in the morning. And then this next part is so important. When you walk out, I don't want any person having any illusion that the daughter's going to be like, yes, you go girl. No, she is going to scream. That's okay. Going back to the boundary. You're allowed to take care of your needs.

Oh, it does. I'm going out. It's okay if you're upset. I'll be back and I'll kiss you and I'll see you in the morning. And then this next part is so important. When you walk out, I don't want any person having any illusion that the daughter's going to be like, yes, you go girl. No, she is going to scream. That's okay. Going back to the boundary. You're allowed to take care of your needs.

Oh, it does. I'm going out. It's okay if you're upset. I'll be back and I'll kiss you and I'll see you in the morning. And then this next part is so important. When you walk out, I don't want any person having any illusion that the daughter's going to be like, yes, you go girl. No, she is going to scream. That's okay. Going back to the boundary. You're allowed to take care of your needs.

And other people are allowed to be inconvenienced and upset by it. It doesn't mean your needs are wrong. It doesn't mean their feelings are wrong. And it definitely doesn't mean you feel guilty.

And other people are allowed to be inconvenienced and upset by it. It doesn't mean your needs are wrong. It doesn't mean their feelings are wrong. And it definitely doesn't mean you feel guilty.

And other people are allowed to be inconvenienced and upset by it. It doesn't mean your needs are wrong. It doesn't mean their feelings are wrong. And it definitely doesn't mean you feel guilty.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I want to. Let's go into this. I have a lot to say.

No, I want to. Let's go into this. I have a lot to say.