Dr. Becky Kennedy

It just doesn't, especially not with kids who are strong-willed. I was like, just give it a couple days. It's probably a good three days later. And he brought me the puzzle pieces in a bag. And he just said, I took them. And he truly started crying. And I did not lecture him. I feel like the whole arc, the whole lesson had basically already happened. Honestly, like the day after.

So again, and this is what I think we miss as parents. And like, we're almost afraid to like just name the humanness of it. And I kind of gave an example earlier. He's going to want to do something bad again. We all want to do bad things. That's not a bad urge. It's just about having the skills to do something differently when you have the urge. So I think a couple days later and I do this.

So again, and this is what I think we miss as parents. And like, we're almost afraid to like just name the humanness of it. And I kind of gave an example earlier. He's going to want to do something bad again. We all want to do bad things. That's not a bad urge. It's just about having the skills to do something differently when you have the urge. So I think a couple days later and I do this.

So again, and this is what I think we miss as parents. And like, we're almost afraid to like just name the humanness of it. And I kind of gave an example earlier. He's going to want to do something bad again. We all want to do bad things. That's not a bad urge. It's just about having the skills to do something differently when you have the urge. So I think a couple days later and I do this.

I do these little like role plays. They take like 20 seconds. I was like, oh my goodness. Look at the puzzle, because we had still been working on it. What if you want to take it again? He goes, I won't. I go, I know, but I think you might want to. Remember how I took the oilies?

I do these little like role plays. They take like 20 seconds. I was like, oh my goodness. Look at the puzzle, because we had still been working on it. What if you want to take it again? He goes, I won't. I go, I know, but I think you might want to. Remember how I took the oilies?

I do these little like role plays. They take like 20 seconds. I was like, oh my goodness. Look at the puzzle, because we had still been working on it. What if you want to take it again? He goes, I won't. I go, I know, but I think you might want to. Remember how I took the oilies?

Feelings, that's an urge. I teach my kids, an urge means you want to do something. My kids will say, an urge is not a behavior. Behavior is doing the thing. That's not okay. But the only reason your urge doesn't convert into behavior is because you have a skill to manage the urge. And you can't build skills if no one teaches you them. So I said, what could you do instead?

Feelings, that's an urge. I teach my kids, an urge means you want to do something. My kids will say, an urge is not a behavior. Behavior is doing the thing. That's not okay. But the only reason your urge doesn't convert into behavior is because you have a skill to manage the urge. And you can't build skills if no one teaches you them. So I said, what could you do instead?

Feelings, that's an urge. I teach my kids, an urge means you want to do something. My kids will say, an urge is not a behavior. Behavior is doing the thing. That's not okay. But the only reason your urge doesn't convert into behavior is because you have a skill to manage the urge. And you can't build skills if no one teaches you them. So I said, what could you do instead?

Could you run to me and say, I really want to take the pieces? Could you say, I need time with you? Because at the end of the day, I think he felt left out. And we did. And by the way, this kid, is he like perfect now? No, he, you know, but like it, It brings together so many things. Number one, when we trust ourselves that we have time.

Could you run to me and say, I really want to take the pieces? Could you say, I need time with you? Because at the end of the day, I think he felt left out. And we did. And by the way, this kid, is he like perfect now? No, he, you know, but like it, It brings together so many things. Number one, when we trust ourselves that we have time.

Could you run to me and say, I really want to take the pieces? Could you say, I need time with you? Because at the end of the day, I think he felt left out. And we did. And by the way, this kid, is he like perfect now? No, he, you know, but like it, It brings together so many things. Number one, when we trust ourselves that we have time.

When we realize shame, the fear of being the only one, being bad, being unlovable, being alone is often the biggest blocker for kids. When you really realize that, punishment and sending your kid away makes no sense at all. And you can kind of give yourself freedom to tell stories, right?

When we realize shame, the fear of being the only one, being bad, being unlovable, being alone is often the biggest blocker for kids. When you really realize that, punishment and sending your kid away makes no sense at all. And you can kind of give yourself freedom to tell stories, right?

When we realize shame, the fear of being the only one, being bad, being unlovable, being alone is often the biggest blocker for kids. When you really realize that, punishment and sending your kid away makes no sense at all. And you can kind of give yourself freedom to tell stories, right?

Because when we're really struggling with something, you don't want to look at someone, especially someone who's perfect. Right? It's like when you really have a bad experience as an adult, the only thing you want to hear is your friend who I don't like, you know, I'm mortified. I sent this email to my boss.

Because when we're really struggling with something, you don't want to look at someone, especially someone who's perfect. Right? It's like when you really have a bad experience as an adult, the only thing you want to hear is your friend who I don't like, you know, I'm mortified. I sent this email to my boss.

Because when we're really struggling with something, you don't want to look at someone, especially someone who's perfect. Right? It's like when you really have a bad experience as an adult, the only thing you want to hear is your friend who I don't like, you know, I'm mortified. I sent this email to my boss.

The only thing that would make me feel better is someone like, let me show you the email I sent. I'm like, oh, wow, that's worse. That's the only thing that makes me feel better. Not because I wish bad upon other people, but because you want to know you're not alone. And other people's stories do that, like vulnerability. It's kind of like, it's like this magic, this magic trick.