Dr. Becky Kennedy

This is actually a big thing I talk about in our rage course called the road to reactivity.

We focus so much on the end point because we think we're not supposed to feel angry that we don't actually befriend our anger earlier and listen to it when it's at lower levels and can be much more easily managed.

And if you're listening into it at lower levels, what does that look like?

So it might sound like resentment at lower levels.

Ah.

I told my partner to be home earlier and instead I'm doing dinner and bath time alone.

Or it might look like a voice, we could really talk about, but especially for women, we've been taught to ignore that says, I really want to go out to dinner with my friends without our kids.

I want to work out.

And then we tend to suppress it.

Oh no, I can't do that.

I have this, I have this.

If anger is the feeling that most puts us in touch with what we need and aren't getting,

That voice of, I really want to work out this week one time is actually an early sign of anger.

And if we don't listen to it,

It is like a toddler.

If you don't listen to an annoying toddler, they're going to escalate and escalate.

And one day they are going to scream so loud at a totally inopportune moment, like, why is chicken for dinner again?

But it actually has nothing to do really with that moment.

That moment was just the time when your anger bucket was completely filled and you had no more space.

And so we have to listen earlier and start to meet our own needs earlier.