Dr. Becky Kennedy
speaker
3,434 appearances
7 recordings
6 series
first heard Feb 2024
last heard 18 Jun
Dr. Becky Kennedy’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 3 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 2.
Appearances
It's not clamping down right away because when we do that in the name of us feeling productive, we get in our kid's way of kind of figuring things out.
First thing I do when I wake up in the morning is make coffee.
That I wonder if this person is really feeling guilt or if they're just taking responsibility for someone's uncomfortable emotions.
This feels hard because it is hard, not because I'm doing something wrong.
Internal Family Systems by Dick Schwartz.
Saying no to other people in the name of saying yes to myself.
Probably doing things that the elusive should told me to do, as opposed to doing things that really come from gazing in and kind of coming from my own value system.
we hear someone around us, you're just going to do nothing. We almost have this urge to prove and do all of our parenting in like the next 30 seconds. You're regulating your own emotions as an adult versus vomit it onto my child. And it looks like something, but it's actually just stooping to their child level. And I am choosing do nothing. It is mindful restraint.
Jordan, multiple, that's what I'm saying. Multiple things can be true. I would not judge you by any interaction I watch with your child. And there are moments where our kids take over in our homes for all of us.
Yeah. First of all, no two kids in the same family are alike. But I do believe all kids need the same things. But how they are able to receive them are completely different. And what their kind of developmental arcs look like and how long it takes things to click are also completely different.
I love rapid fire. And actually, I bet there's going to be a common thread like there almost always is to our seemingly unrelated parenting struggles. That's a challenge I'll take on.
Those are a bunch of questions. So let's take two questions. One is what's going on with boundaries and are we doing them right and why aren't they seemingly working? And separate but unrelated is when I say my kid isn't listening, what might be really going on? And then what leads to more cooperation?
By no means is any parent perfect. And there's not one system that works for every kid. But in every other area of our life, we probably invest a good amount in education and don't expect to figure it all out by winging it. And so I think there's a happy medium because I think in the workplace, if you show up on day one and your boss goes, well, do a good job today.
And you're like, OK, I want to do a good job. But then you realize you don't have a job description. Right. I think anybody would know I can't do a good job if I don't know what my job is. And I actually think most parents, they actually don't have any clarity in what their job is. What is my job when my kid's upset? What is my job in general? And a lot of it actually comes down to boundaries.
So to me, parents have two jobs in almost every situation. So there's a wash, rinse, repeat nature to learning this. And those two jobs are setting boundaries and validating your kid's emotional experience. And we often think about those two things in opposition, but to me, they really are two sides of an effective parenting equation, and both really matter.
So let's start with boundaries, because I think boundaries are very poorly misunderstood. And whenever I hear someone say, my kids don't respect my boundaries, I actually kind of know that their definition of boundaries is probably off. So here's my definition of boundaries. Boundaries are what we tell our kids we will do, and they require a kid to do nothing.
So in a way, they're an assertion of your very appropriate parental authority, which I don't mean that in a creepy way, but like truly, we are the authority. You are the pilot of the plane. And so boundaries are limits. So boundaries, though, are within your control.
So if you're saying my kid doesn't respect my boundaries, you're saying I'm giving the power of my intervention to my kid, and we have to help parents reclaim that. So here's a perfect example, and it relates to listening, because a lot of times when parents say my kids aren't listening, we're just not setting boundaries. So, for example, get off the couch, stop jumping off the couch.
These are things we say to our kids all the time. Maybe they're jumping near a glass table, whatever the reason.
So a boundary is not saying, please stop jumping. We don't jump. or if you don't stop jumping, I will take away your dessert tonight. Because again, a boundary is something I tell my kid I will do as the parent and it would require my kid to do nothing.
Showing 821–840 of 3,434 · page 42 of 172
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