Making Happiness the Goal of Childhood Backfires | Dr. Becky Kennedy
episodePreviously titled “3 Keys to Becoming the Parent You Always Needed” — renamed by the publisher on Sep 3, 2026
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What makes parenting the hardest job without formal training?
I'm going to try to answer all that. You'll let me know which parts of the question I lose as we go. So what you started with just resonates with me so strongly. And I think it really is the reason I get out of bed every morning, right? Parenting is the most important job in the world. And it is the hardest job. And it's probably the job we'll have for the longest number of years because everyone knows it's more than 18 years, right? So And someone said to me, I'll never forget, it's the only job you care about on your deathbed, which I was like, OK, that's heavy. But I think that's I mean, I wouldn't know yet, hopefully, but I think that's true. And it's also like the only job that falls under like very difficult, very impactful, very ongoing that we literally get no training for. Right. And like if my friend was a surgeon and called me and said, I'm not doing surgery. Right. And I'm messing everything up and kind of messed up this person forever. And I'm so bad.
And then I started poking around and it turned out she never went to med school or never went to residency. I'm pretty sure I would say to her, hey, this is not that you're a bad surgeon. That's not what this is. You weren't adequately prepared. And it's probably time to invest in resources. And I just want to say, too, because I think it's important that if she said, don't worry, I got all my tips on Instagram. I'd say, OK. I mean, you might want to do a little more in depth than that. I think you deserve a little better than that. And yet this is what parents are set up for. When I've asked parents the number one reason why they don't get the support they even think they need, the number one reason I get, the number one reason I hear is I should be able to do this on my own.
It's like a shame underneath.
Yeah. And there's a shame. And I think there's a really strong societal message as a woman. I can say the maternal instinct is like a real thing that people think we should have, which really is a way of saying parenting has kind of traditionally been a woman's job. I think they're shifting around that. It's great. And it should just be something women have an instinct to do, which is a really great setup for any parent when they're struggling to say, I guess it's me. And I think when we're struggling, I mean, I think when we're struggling with anything, we have two paths. And this is where I think we'll be talking about parenting, but you don't have kids. I'm sure some of your listeners don't have kids.
This is in some ways about kids, in some ways 0% about kids and parenting. Like when we're struggling, we can either say, what is wrong with me and it's my fault? Or when we're struggling, we can say, what resources and support do I need? And they're two completely different paths. One is activating and has hope and has the likelihood of change. And one is actually spiraling into an abyss and a freeze state. of shame, which makes it impossible to change. And I think parents have typically said to themselves, what's wrong with me? This should be easier. You kind of also see on Instagram, it looks like everyone else got their kid to smile for a holiday card. And you're like, that's not what happened to my kids.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What makes parenting the hardest job without formal training?
1:11–9:11
2
Why is understanding a child's behavior key to effective parenting?
9:11–11:03
3
Why should making children happy not be the primary parenting goal?
11:03–11:40
4
How does emotional regulation build resilience in children?
11:40–12:21
5
What are practical ways to help children tolerate frustration?
12:21–15:48
6
How can parents support their children's emotional resilience through language?
15:48–18:27
7
How did fatherhood change Scott Galloway’s priorities and views on life?
18:27–1:19:31
Speakers
4 identifiedMore from The School of Greatness
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