Dr. Becky Kennedy

So here's what I might do, okay? And my kid is starting to have a tantrum. And even he's saying, do the piece. I can't do it. I'm going to say, sweetie, sweetie, this is so hard. This is so hard. And I have real kids. It's not like they are going to say to me, oh, that's so helpful to hear. No, it's not going to happen. They're going to still freaking out.

But their reaction is different than the power of my intervention. Also two separate things. I might say this. I might say, oh, so many pieces. I don't know where it goes. Does it go here? Does it go here? Does it go here? And if my kid is like, do it for me. I really, and I've said this to my kid. Listen, sweetie, I'm not going to do it for you. Here's why.

But their reaction is different than the power of my intervention. Also two separate things. I might say this. I might say, oh, so many pieces. I don't know where it goes. Does it go here? Does it go here? Does it go here? And if my kid is like, do it for me. I really, and I've said this to my kid. Listen, sweetie, I'm not going to do it for you. Here's why.

I know you're capable of figuring this out. And the best feeling in the world is the feeling you get when you think you can't do something. And then you wait a little bit and you see that you can do a little bit more. And I'm not going to take that feeling away from you. And so I'll take a deep breath with you. We can take a break. But, like, I know you can do this. Okay? And...

I know you're capable of figuring this out. And the best feeling in the world is the feeling you get when you think you can't do something. And then you wait a little bit and you see that you can do a little bit more. And I'm not going to take that feeling away from you. And so I'll take a deep breath with you. We can take a break. But, like, I know you can do this. Okay? And...

When I hear people be like, does that work? Yes. I mean, doesn't that work for adults? Imagine you're having a hard time at your job and you're saying to your manager, like, you do this one. If they're like, listen, I'm not because I know you're capable. And like, it's okay if it takes some time. It's okay if you take a break. I can be here to like kind of think about where could that piece go?

When I hear people be like, does that work? Yes. I mean, doesn't that work for adults? Imagine you're having a hard time at your job and you're saying to your manager, like, you do this one. If they're like, listen, I'm not because I know you're capable. And like, it's okay if it takes some time. It's okay if you take a break. I can be here to like kind of think about where could that piece go?

Ooh, is that an edge? Ooh, edges in the middle. Probably not in the puzzle. Where do, oh, you're right. Edges go on the outside. Look at you. My kid experiences the win and what their body learns. Is when I get frustrated, I don't look for the answer for someone to take that away from me and give me immediate success.

Ooh, is that an edge? Ooh, edges in the middle. Probably not in the puzzle. Where do, oh, you're right. Edges go on the outside. Look at you. My kid experiences the win and what their body learns. Is when I get frustrated, I don't look for the answer for someone to take that away from me and give me immediate success.

By the way, if we really want to get into it, if we want to know what entitlement is, entitlement is the accumulated experience of feeling frustrated and then having someone else give you immediate success. Wow. That's what it is.

By the way, if we really want to get into it, if we want to know what entitlement is, entitlement is the accumulated experience of feeling frustrated and then having someone else give you immediate success. Wow. That's what it is.

And I'll never forget seeing the family of 16-year-olds who was like horrified their kid had a full-on tantrum at 16 because they weren't flying first class. Oh, my gosh. And they were like, every parent's nightmare. And they're like, how do we get an entitled kid? The most well-meaning parents. But this was a kid every time something didn't go his way.

And I'll never forget seeing the family of 16-year-olds who was like horrified their kid had a full-on tantrum at 16 because they weren't flying first class. Oh, my gosh. And they were like, every parent's nightmare. And they're like, how do we get an entitled kid? The most well-meaning parents. But this was a kid every time something didn't go his way.

And I think money makes this more complicated because you can – buy kind of your way out of kids' frustration. You can. So it's almost hard to resist that if that's an option. But every time it was like frustration, success. Frustration, a new option. Frustration, I figured it out because someone else does something for me.

And I think money makes this more complicated because you can – buy kind of your way out of kids' frustration. You can. So it's almost hard to resist that if that's an option. But every time it was like frustration, success. Frustration, a new option. Frustration, I figured it out because someone else does something for me.

Well, when you finally get to the point at 16, if that's your circuit and then you're frustrated because something's surprising, it's not really about first class. Your body actually is like, WTF? Like, I literally was not built to tolerate this. And then it ends up looking awful, but really, it's really vulnerable, right?

Well, when you finally get to the point at 16, if that's your circuit and then you're frustrated because something's surprising, it's not really about first class. Your body actually is like, WTF? Like, I literally was not built to tolerate this. And then it ends up looking awful, but really, it's really vulnerable, right?

Super vulnerable. So I want to give you one more example of resilience. There's three lines I think every parent needs to know. And I honestly can almost reframe that saying I think every person in a relationship needs to know. Whether you're in a romantic relationship, a work relationship, it's the same stuff. Because

Super vulnerable. So I want to give you one more example of resilience. There's three lines I think every parent needs to know. And I honestly can almost reframe that saying I think every person in a relationship needs to know. Whether you're in a romantic relationship, a work relationship, it's the same stuff. Because

Another resilience building moment I can imagine is kind of like what I said to you earlier. Let's say your kid's a little older. I'm the only kid who doesn't know how to read chapter books or I'm the only one of my friends who didn't get into honors math.