Dr. Becky Kennedy

I guess this is your opportunity, you know, because my kid and how I respond to the puzzle is not going to remember anything about the puzzle. Their body, not from that one time, but from patterns is going to be developing expectations around what can I do when things get hard?

Yeah, and what should I expect? What is my self-talk? A parent's words become a child's self-talk.

Yeah, and what should I expect? What is my self-talk? A parent's words become a child's self-talk.

Especially when paired with an emotional situation. So when I'm frustrated, did I have someone come? And I always say like frustration is now like super bright. Do I expect someone to come and turn off the light? No frustration. Or do I expect someone to come and by the way they're present with me, they dim, they dim the light. So it's just not so blinding. That's emotion regulation.

Especially when paired with an emotional situation. So when I'm frustrated, did I have someone come? And I always say like frustration is now like super bright. Do I expect someone to come and turn off the light? No frustration. Or do I expect someone to come and by the way they're present with me, they dim, they dim the light. So it's just not so blinding. That's emotion regulation.

Like, that's the best it gets. There are drugs that will do that better for you, but they have, you know, that's not what we recommend for people long term. Like, when we're talking about true emotion regulation, we're talking about a dimmer. Because it's impossible to deal with something when it's a 10 out of 10. Even 9 out of 10 is really hard.

Like, that's the best it gets. There are drugs that will do that better for you, but they have, you know, that's not what we recommend for people long term. Like, when we're talking about true emotion regulation, we're talking about a dimmer. Because it's impossible to deal with something when it's a 10 out of 10. Even 9 out of 10 is really hard.

Once you get to an 8 or a 7, it's not pleasant, it's not convenient, but you... you start to be able to tolerate it. And from there, you can, you know, get maybe to a six or a five. That's the goal for our kid. So I'll model this. My kid is freaking out about the puzzle.

Once you get to an 8 or a 7, it's not pleasant, it's not convenient, but you... you start to be able to tolerate it. And from there, you can, you know, get maybe to a six or a five. That's the goal for our kid. So I'll model this. My kid is freaking out about the puzzle.

Now, to be clear, are there some times that I'd be like, I'm giving myself permission to do the puzzle because I can't deal with this? Of course, I'm a normal human. Everybody has to give that permission to themselves.

Now, to be clear, are there some times that I'd be like, I'm giving myself permission to do the puzzle because I can't deal with this? Of course, I'm a normal human. Everybody has to give that permission to themselves.

Like zero. No, no, no, no. Everyone listening to what I'm saying, don't think like I actually do this all the time.

Like zero. No, no, no, no. Everyone listening to what I'm saying, don't think like I actually do this all the time.

And that will eventually get to point three. And I wouldn't wish Dr. Becky as a real parent on any kid. It's just like... You learn the most, I'm sure you too in life, you learn the most from people who struggle and repair. Of course. But here's this moment, and I can go through an older kid example too because it's not as obvious, but my kid is frustrated.

And that will eventually get to point three. And I wouldn't wish Dr. Becky as a real parent on any kid. It's just like... You learn the most, I'm sure you too in life, you learn the most from people who struggle and repair. Of course. But here's this moment, and I can go through an older kid example too because it's not as obvious, but my kid is frustrated.

My kid's going to be frustrated for the rest of their life in higher stakes situations. They're going to be given something from a boss and be like, I don't know how to do this. And I actually don't, first of all, I definitely don't want my kid when they're 25 to call me and be like, can you do my project for me? I definitely don't want that. I don't want them to be indignant.

My kid's going to be frustrated for the rest of their life in higher stakes situations. They're going to be given something from a boss and be like, I don't know how to do this. And I actually don't, first of all, I definitely don't want my kid when they're 25 to call me and be like, can you do my project for me? I definitely don't want that. I don't want them to be indignant.

How could this person have? I want them to have some type of weight. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have a feeling I can just think this through or get a little further. So that's what I want there. That is not unrelated to the pattern of how I interact now. Wow. So I could say, here's the piece. Once in a while, I do that. Not great for long-term resilience.

How could this person have? I want them to have some type of weight. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have a feeling I can just think this through or get a little further. So that's what I want there. That is not unrelated to the pattern of how I interact now. Wow. So I could say, here's the piece. Once in a while, I do that. Not great for long-term resilience.

So here's what I might do, okay? And my kid is starting to have a tantrum. And even he's saying, do the piece. I can't do it. I'm going to say, sweetie, sweetie, this is so hard. This is so hard. And I have real kids. It's not like they are going to say to me, oh, that's so helpful to hear. No, it's not going to happen. They're going to still freaking out.