Buiding Our Tolerance for Frustration (Dr. Becky)
episodePreviously titled “Dr. Becky: Your Kids Don’t Need a Perfect Mom. They Need a Leader.” — renamed by the publisher on Aug 3, 2026
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Why do ambitious moms feel like they’re failing at home?
You know that feeling when work is going great, but at home you're thinking, am I messing this up? I feel that way more than I'd like to admit. But talking to parenting expert and New York Times bestselling author, Dr. Becky Kennedy, shifted something major for me. And that's when mum guilt hits you and suddenly every decision feels like the wrong one. If you're tired of feeling torn between success and motherhood, you need to stay tuned because Dr. Becky gives us the tools to stop choosing and start leading. You're welcome. Dr. Becky, I am so happy to have you on Aspire. You are one of my dream guests for the reason that I have like 500 questions that I need to ask you. So I'm going to like jump straight into it because I really wanted to frame our conversation around something that I feel terrorizes me, which is this idea of mum guilt.
And I feel for so many women, especially all the women that I know, so much of what separates them from being able to be truly successful is how they get caught up in mum guilt. And so as the parenting expert, a mum of three, I'm assuming very ambitious woman, certainly very successful business woman. My first question to you is really about what kids need. Like what do kids actually need from their parents versus what the culture and society tells us that they need?
Such a good place to start. So first of all, so excited to be here. We're going to get into all the things. I mean, I don't know if I can answer that in like one sentence, but in general, our kids in their early years, through their relationship with us, they are learning so all the important things about how to operate and be in the world. So what does that mean? They are learning what emotions are safe and manageable and what emotions are dangerous or, quote, too much. They are learning, what should I expect from other people? When you get upset with people, can you get through that? Are you allowed to be mad at people you love? you're also learning in your earliest relationships about confidence, about what it means to depend on people and be independent of those people, right?
A lot of dualities. And so I think we focus a lot maybe on, I don't know, how much time do I have with my kids exactly? You're right. Was I at this one soccer game? And then, and I know I do this to myself too. We tell ourselves these huge stories based on one moment or one day or one week that feels out of balance. But if you zoom out, what kids really need is they need to feel seen. They need to feel safe, which does not mean comfortable. And I think that's really important because we have that one. writing that down for later. We've really confused those two things in 2025. We do not want our kids to be happy all the time. And they really need to feel like their parent connects to them and believes what's going on for them and also believes in them, believes in their capability, believes that they can do hard things.
And then in a way, as a parent, you're kind of that coach who sets them up for everything that's ahead of them.
So why do we constantly feel like we're failing? What has given us the measure and why are we so out of whack? If that's truly what our kids require from us, why are we being count in and thinking I was only with them for 30 minutes today versus a regular day? What's happened in society to make us feel like we are constantly falling behind?
Well, I think you're also talking about something unrelated to parenting that can happen with women is why do we just feel like we're never enough? And if that's something that we have felt for a lot of our years, if I've always gone around the world wondering, how can I prove myself? What is the marker in the external world that I am doing a good job? I need constant praise. I need to constantly ignore my own needs to take care of everyone else's needs. We're going to take that into motherhood. That doesn't start when we become a mother. So now we take that into motherhood. And the surest way to feel awful about yourself as a mom is to judge yourself by your kid's behavior.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why do ambitious moms feel like they’re failing at home?
0:09–4:34
2
What is the real definition of mom guilt?
4:34–7:44
3
How has convenience culture affected children's frustration tolerance?
7:44–11:57
4
Why do kids need sturdy leaders instead of selfless martyrs?
11:57–16:14
5
What are the dangers of absorbing others' emotions as a parent?
16:14–17:45
6
How can parents stop judging their parenting by their child's behavior?
17:45–20:47
7
What should parents do when they feel overwhelmed or burnt out?
20:47–24:51
8
How can parents learn to lead with confidence in their parenting journey?
24:51–1:07:52
Speakers
3 identifiedMore from Aspire with Emma Grede
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