Dr. Becky Kennedy

And when she finally looked up, she was so sad. And the words that she said to me literally were, can you believe they let me make that decision? I still have the chills. And the way I think we can zoom out from this. is our kids will never say to us, thank you for making a decision for me, but they feel it.

Imagine being on a plane and you're flying from LA to New York and you're like, I've got to get to New York for this meeting, for this podcast, for this wedding, something very important. And the pilot is saying, look, I have bad news. I just have this light go off. I don't know what exactly it means, but we've got to make an emergency landing in Iowa. And everyone in the plane is like,

Imagine being on a plane and you're flying from LA to New York and you're like, I've got to get to New York for this meeting, for this podcast, for this wedding, something very important. And the pilot is saying, look, I have bad news. I just have this light go off. I don't know what exactly it means, but we've got to make an emergency landing in Iowa. And everyone in the plane is like,

Imagine being on a plane and you're flying from LA to New York and you're like, I've got to get to New York for this meeting, for this podcast, for this wedding, something very important. And the pilot is saying, look, I have bad news. I just have this light go off. I don't know what exactly it means, but we've got to make an emergency landing in Iowa. And everyone in the plane is like,

No, this isn't important. You're overreacting. Oh, my God, I said this wedding. And then you hear the pilot because everyone's freaking out because, oh, you know what? Forget it. You know what? Everyone's upset. I'm just going to keep flying the plane. Now picture the passenger cabin as upset as they were. Now I'm like 10 out of 10. What? My being upset is enough to make a pilot change decision.

No, this isn't important. You're overreacting. Oh, my God, I said this wedding. And then you hear the pilot because everyone's freaking out because, oh, you know what? Forget it. You know what? Everyone's upset. I'm just going to keep flying the plane. Now picture the passenger cabin as upset as they were. Now I'm like 10 out of 10. What? My being upset is enough to make a pilot change decision.

No, this isn't important. You're overreacting. Oh, my God, I said this wedding. And then you hear the pilot because everyone's freaking out because, oh, you know what? Forget it. You know what? Everyone's upset. I'm just going to keep flying the plane. Now picture the passenger cabin as upset as they were. Now I'm like 10 out of 10. What? My being upset is enough to make a pilot change decision.

This pilot is now more interested in keeping me calm and happy than they are keeping me safe. That is terrifying. And that is what we have to keep in mind when we're making decisions as a parent to keep our kid happy rather than to actually help them with what's really important. And again, our kids will never say thank you. They're not giving us five-star reviews in that moment.

This pilot is now more interested in keeping me calm and happy than they are keeping me safe. That is terrifying. And that is what we have to keep in mind when we're making decisions as a parent to keep our kid happy rather than to actually help them with what's really important. And again, our kids will never say thank you. They're not giving us five-star reviews in that moment.

This pilot is now more interested in keeping me calm and happy than they are keeping me safe. That is terrifying. And that is what we have to keep in mind when we're making decisions as a parent to keep our kid happy rather than to actually help them with what's really important. And again, our kids will never say thank you. They're not giving us five-star reviews in that moment.

But I think if we actually start to see their protests and tantrums as a sign we're actually setting a limit and a boundary, our relationship with the tantrum changes because we no longer see it as a sign we're a bad parent. We see it as a sign that we're doing our job.

But I think if we actually start to see their protests and tantrums as a sign we're actually setting a limit and a boundary, our relationship with the tantrum changes because we no longer see it as a sign we're a bad parent. We see it as a sign that we're doing our job.

But I think if we actually start to see their protests and tantrums as a sign we're actually setting a limit and a boundary, our relationship with the tantrum changes because we no longer see it as a sign we're a bad parent. We see it as a sign that we're doing our job.

Look, I like it. I mean, in general. And what you're saying is I'm always watching to see if something's on the verge of behavior that is going to make him feel like a bad kid or him feel out of control or is going to overtly harm someone else. And at the same time, there's a lot that we can do to cope that isn't that. I don't know. You can go hit a pillow.

Look, I like it. I mean, in general. And what you're saying is I'm always watching to see if something's on the verge of behavior that is going to make him feel like a bad kid or him feel out of control or is going to overtly harm someone else. And at the same time, there's a lot that we can do to cope that isn't that. I don't know. You can go hit a pillow.

Look, I like it. I mean, in general. And what you're saying is I'm always watching to see if something's on the verge of behavior that is going to make him feel like a bad kid or him feel out of control or is going to overtly harm someone else. And at the same time, there's a lot that we can do to cope that isn't that. I don't know. You can go hit a pillow.

That's very different than hitting a sister. Right. And I think a lot of us know adults. If you would just say one second, I need a moment to go scream in the bathroom, that would save us all a lot of headache at work or, you know, at the home. So here's an example of it that happened the other day in my home. OK, so my daughter comes out. I make her breakfast. I hate that breakfast, right?

That's very different than hitting a sister. Right. And I think a lot of us know adults. If you would just say one second, I need a moment to go scream in the bathroom, that would save us all a lot of headache at work or, you know, at the home. So here's an example of it that happened the other day in my home. OK, so my daughter comes out. I make her breakfast. I hate that breakfast, right?

That's very different than hitting a sister. Right. And I think a lot of us know adults. If you would just say one second, I need a moment to go scream in the bathroom, that would save us all a lot of headache at work or, you know, at the home. So here's an example of it that happened the other day in my home. OK, so my daughter comes out. I make her breakfast. I hate that breakfast, right?

It was either avocado toast, which he loves, eggs, which he loves, or cereal and milk, okay? Like, it was, it's not my first rodeo. I'm not making something random and new right before they're getting on the bus. And it's so tempting in this moment. I want to be like, oh, you're going to eat breakfast. I made this. You like it. You're going to eat it. We just latch onto something.