Dr. Becky Kennedy
speaker
3,434 appearances
7 recordings
6 series
first heard Feb 2024
last heard 18 Jun
Dr. Becky Kennedy’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 3 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 2.
Appearances
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's exactly right. And I think self-care... has gotten, you know, misrepresented. It doesn't mean getting a manicure every week. It could if that does it for you. But when I think about self-care and I really think about the work we do with parents at Good Inside, we always say Good Inside and like our app. It's not parenting. It's for parents.
It's for the journey of what it means to be a parent. It's for your own stuff. It's for your triggers. It's for finally learning how to set boundaries. It's about finally learning that it's okay to get your needs met. even when they inconvenience others. It's learning that your relationships are strong enough that they can get through hard moments where people are upset with you, right?
It's about finally saying to, if you need to, your mother-in-law, we can't have any visitors on Saturday. And the reason I'm finally able to do that is because I understand my self-value and all this stuff. This has nothing to do with the fact that your kid isn't sleeping at night, but that is the foundation.
for intervening in the way you're proud of when your kid is waking you up at two in the morning, right? So that is the self-care. It's really like a, not just self-care, it's self-establishment. It's self-growth, really.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. I mean, I think you're speaking to how differently we feel emotions. I mean, you know, I think about one of my kids who I call a deeply feeling kid, right? So my image is always she's just more porous to the world. And so if you think about someone who's more porous, that their pores are literally wider, a lot more is going to come in. And guess what? A
She's a kid who, by the way, you're in a certain area in New York City. She's like, I can't be here. The smell. For me, I'm wired differently. I was like, I literally don't smell anything different. Now, does that mean she's wrong? No. I actually bet knowing her, she smells things. And then she lets me know how awful it is and she can't stand on that corner.
And for me, in that moment at least, because we're probably all volatile in different ways, I look steady as a rock. Right. I have another kid who, yeah, is pretty steady. until he feels like his authority and power is threatened, and then he better watch out, you know?
And so in one moment, someone might see him as, oh, wow, that kid's really volatile, but in probably 90% of other moments, he's kind of cool as a cucumber. So I also think it's important to categorize kids not as, like, always one way or another, but we all feel emotions differently. None of them is wrong or right. To me, the goal... is to not be locked into any one thing.
That, to me, rigidity is always the enemy. That's what holds us back in adulthood, if we're always one way. I can never handle someone cutting me off in traffic because the emotion takes me over and I have road rage. Yeah, that's not good. That's a very rigid, limited way of living life. But it's probably also limiting. to say, I've never really gotten riled up about anything.
Forget road rage, but it's kind of amazing to get riled up once in a while and to feel really passionately about something and to feel something enough that you want to go do something about it, right? So there's no morality on it. I think what's tricky, I can even say as a parent of three kids,
is each of my kids, I always kind of imagine this, if I have all these different parts of me, they each need a different part of me to kind of lead. Like they almost need different lead parents, right? So my kid who is my deeply feeling kid, I know what's so important is that I believe her experience and I better be ready with certain boundaries because she feels things so intensely.
especially when she was younger, I have to step in more often. There's more difficult behavior, right? My kid who's really, really steady, I try to sometimes, even though it's convenient because he's so easy, you know, there's definitely a lot going on in there. And sometimes I wonder...
Does he almost feel like all the emotional space is taken up by his siblings and the only thing left for him is kind of steady as a rock? And that can lead to a rigidity later in life, right? So I think these are like moving systems. So much of how we experience emotions growing up is also dictated by the system and kind of the roles our siblings play.
And so I don't know if that kind of gives you enough of an answer, but I think- That's very, that's informative. Yeah, I think the thing I'd really want parents to know is I think we place a lot of morality on it. And if we're honest with ourselves, we're probably just comparing our kid to how we do things. So if you're someone who's pretty steady, you're like, my kid is crazy. They're dramatic.
right? If you're someone who's a little more out there, you're not as bothered by that kid. And then you have another kid, you're like, that kid's kind of boring, right? Because they're so flat. And so, I mean, I think this is true in couples too. Whenever we're fighting, we're probably just saying, why can't you be more like me?
When we're triggered by our kid, we're like, why can't you be more like me? Right? That's probably what we're always saying to each other, going back to communication. But if you take a little different perspective of, hold on a second, there's no wrong or right way to feel emotions. Some behaviors are not allowed, but all the emotions have information.
And what might my kid need right now instead of, oh, my goodness, is my kid messed up? Or why is my kid not just a little bit more like me?
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