Dr. Becky Kennedy
speaker
3,434 appearances
7 recordings
6 series
first heard Feb 2024
last heard 18 Jun
Dr. Becky Kennedy’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 3 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 2.
Appearances
I love this topic because it's so interesting. Right now, it's kind of review season at Good Inside because I also am the CEO of a company. And to me, the things I talk about with parenting and my kids... and for other people parenting their kids, they are the exact same principles, exact as leading a team.
And so when I think about review season and the way we get feedback and the right and back and forth, it brings us all together and I'll explain. So the other day I said to my kids, I love resolutions. I actually do love resolutions, right? Because I love just the opportunity to say, what is one small thing? I'm like, I value and I'm going to hold myself accountable to do.
What I said to my kids was, I want you to come up with one thing, just one thing for now. And it has to be something like manageable and real that I could do that would really make me a better mom to you.
I asked my kids this. I actually asked my kids this relatively frequently. It's like a review, right? Because it's something I do at work all the time. And what I say at work is because often my direct reports say nothing. I said, I just want to tell you something. I need one thing from you by the end of the day. I need it because like, I know, I know I can get hot.
I know I can get a little reactive, right? I know I'm always go, go, go. And there probably is a moment that, you know, I need to pause. I know, I know I have a lot of issues. So if you don't tell me one thing, I don't trust you as much. So here's what happened with my kids. At that point, it was only two of them. It just happened the other day. My son says, my seven-year-old son says,
Sometimes when you're trying to get some work done at home and I want to get your attention for something, this is what you do, mom. One minute, one minute, one minute, and then you still don't give me full attention.
He's clocking. He's clocking.
I'd rather you tell me five minutes and then give me your full attention. That's literally what I would do. I was just like, that is a really good suggestion. And I really needed to hear that. I can do that. This was a couple days ago. Okay. I have to admit, two days ago, he was trying to show me something. And he just goes, you're doing it. You're not really giving me your attention.
And I said, you're right. Thank you. Change is hard. I actually do need about two minutes. Is that okay? And then I'll put my computer down because I'll sometimes look at him and kind of look at, you know. And he goes, okay. It was kind of, it was so beautiful. My daughter said, At night, she goes, it's so interesting when you give people this opportunity, how generous they can be with you.
I think it's been true at work and home. I know when it's my bedtime at night, I always want to do one or two extra things. I know. I always have to get my water. Mom, it's just how I am. That's what she said. And you get this rushing voice and you go, come on, it's bedtime. And that's like the last voice I hear before bed. And I really don't like that voice.
And so can you just know that I always need to do those one or two extra things and not use that voice? And again, I said, you know what? I wouldn't want to hear that as the last voice. You know, and I think at night especially, it's a little digression. I always feel like I'm in a rush. I don't know, an extra two minutes with my kids. Like, my kids are getting older.
They're not even in my house for that much longer. I just have to remind myself, I'm not in a rush. Like, this is the best use of my time. So I said, and that one I've been really good at. And So how do we show our kids that we're fallible? One way is actually like asking for feedback, especially when you have older kids.
When you have a teenager, this is the number one thing that can change things around. You know what I'm thinking about? It's hard to be a teen. And I'm definitely not a perfect parent of a teen. I'm sure you have a long list. But for right now, can you name one thing that I could do? That would make me a better parent to you.
And I want to follow this through because what a lot of teens will do or parents will say, my teenager tells me something ridiculous. They'll say, well, you know how you make me charge my phone at 9 or 10 p.m. out of the room? You could let me sleep with my phone, which maybe his parents are like, I'm just not going to do that. Or they'll say, you know what you could do?
You could give me $1,000 every week for an allowance, right? And so parents will say, my kid doesn't take it seriously. This is where, like to me, one of the most important life skills, parenting, management, friendships, it doesn't matter. is differentiating someone's words on the surface from their needs or their feelings or their fears, whatever it is, underneath.
And not responding to the words, but kind of cutting under them. Let's even say I can say the phone thing. What would be so great about having your phone? Just help me understand it. I know in my head I'm never going to do it, but... We don't realize just because we're not going to do something someone asks, it doesn't mean we don't owe that person the right to try to understand why they want it.
Right? So I might just ask questions. It might probably end with, look, I actually hear what you're saying. All of your friends are on Instagram until midnight. It sounds like you legitimately do miss out on conversations. By the time you get to school, you feel out of them. Like, I'm not even joking. I feel like if I was your age, I'd be like, that's like basically the worst thing ever.
I believe you. Having your phone after X time is just one of my non-negotiables. It's actually just because I love you so much that I feel like my job is to protect you. I wonder if there is some other way that we can figure that out. Or my kid says $1,000. I might say, what would you do with $1,000? Oh, you want to go to more concerts. Oh, your friends all get more allowance. Tell me more.
No matter what your kid says to you, there's information. So I think feedback is one. I think repair is another way. Repair is the most important relationship strategy to get good at. And I just hope everyone hears the duality in that and realizes what that means. Because if you're going to get good at repair, You have to mess up. The only way to repair is to mess up.
And so if I'm telling you, get good at repair, I am telling you, you have to accomplish step one, which is yelling at your kid. You have to. And you're going to do it anyway. I do it. But if you then tell yourself, wait, I'm getting good at repair. Step one is messing up. I crushed it. Amazing. I'm half the way there.
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