Dr. Becky Kennedy

Okay, Jordan, confidence. I think we think confidence is a kid feeling good about themselves. I don't think that's what it is. I think confidence is self-trust. And I think they're very different because if you're optimizing for your kid feeling good about themselves, you tend to actually build a lot of self mistrust around any emotional experience that is distressing. So here's an example.

Okay, Jordan, confidence. I think we think confidence is a kid feeling good about themselves. I don't think that's what it is. I think confidence is self-trust. And I think they're very different because if you're optimizing for your kid feeling good about themselves, you tend to actually build a lot of self mistrust around any emotional experience that is distressing. So here's an example.

Okay, Jordan, confidence. I think we think confidence is a kid feeling good about themselves. I don't think that's what it is. I think confidence is self-trust. And I think they're very different because if you're optimizing for your kid feeling good about themselves, you tend to actually build a lot of self mistrust around any emotional experience that is distressing. So here's an example.

The reading is a good example, but another example, maybe your kid saying, all these other kids on my travel baseball team have gotten like really good. I don't know if I'm going to make it this year. Okay. And then we say things to our kid. Maybe we're like, that's true. I kind of know my kid's not going to make it this year. Now, I don't recommend saying it's true.

The reading is a good example, but another example, maybe your kid saying, all these other kids on my travel baseball team have gotten like really good. I don't know if I'm going to make it this year. Okay. And then we say things to our kid. Maybe we're like, that's true. I kind of know my kid's not going to make it this year. Now, I don't recommend saying it's true.

The reading is a good example, but another example, maybe your kid saying, all these other kids on my travel baseball team have gotten like really good. I don't know if I'm going to make it this year. Okay. And then we say things to our kid. Maybe we're like, that's true. I kind of know my kid's not going to make it this year. Now, I don't recommend saying it's true.

You're really not good at baseball. Obviously, that's not what I would say. But I think we say these things to our kids, maybe even after they don't make the team. That tryout was so unfair. This coach really has something against you. We think that's building confidence because we're trying to optimize for good.

You're really not good at baseball. Obviously, that's not what I would say. But I think we say these things to our kids, maybe even after they don't make the team. That tryout was so unfair. This coach really has something against you. We think that's building confidence because we're trying to optimize for good.

You're really not good at baseball. Obviously, that's not what I would say. But I think we say these things to our kids, maybe even after they don't make the team. That tryout was so unfair. This coach really has something against you. We think that's building confidence because we're trying to optimize for good.

If we're optimizing for self-trust after my kid doesn't make the team, I might even say, look, you even noticed it earlier. Some of these kids over the summer, they're hitting the ball a lot farther and they're pitching a lot faster. And when I hear my kids say, it's so unfair. The coach has it out for me.

If we're optimizing for self-trust after my kid doesn't make the team, I might even say, look, you even noticed it earlier. Some of these kids over the summer, they're hitting the ball a lot farther and they're pitching a lot faster. And when I hear my kids say, it's so unfair. The coach has it out for me.

If we're optimizing for self-trust after my kid doesn't make the team, I might even say, look, you even noticed it earlier. Some of these kids over the summer, they're hitting the ball a lot farther and they're pitching a lot faster. And when I hear my kids say, it's so unfair. The coach has it out for me.

What I'd probably say if I was on my game, I don't know if I would be because none of us are perfect, is you're really disappointed you didn't make the team. This is actually a huge thing. And I'm going to say it, especially with boys, is they tend to take their vulnerable feelings and turn it into kind of indignation and anger and orient out almost like someone must have done this feeling to me.

What I'd probably say if I was on my game, I don't know if I would be because none of us are perfect, is you're really disappointed you didn't make the team. This is actually a huge thing. And I'm going to say it, especially with boys, is they tend to take their vulnerable feelings and turn it into kind of indignation and anger and orient out almost like someone must have done this feeling to me.

What I'd probably say if I was on my game, I don't know if I would be because none of us are perfect, is you're really disappointed you didn't make the team. This is actually a huge thing. And I'm going to say it, especially with boys, is they tend to take their vulnerable feelings and turn it into kind of indignation and anger and orient out almost like someone must have done this feeling to me.

Who did this vulnerable feeling to me? And I actually think this can't happen overnight. Our job is to help our kids almost reclaim their feelings. It's not about fairness. My kid is disappointed. I am on this with my kids about referees. Nothing bothers me so much as at the end of a game, I hear these kids being like... Oh, we lost the game. That ref was awful.

Who did this vulnerable feeling to me? And I actually think this can't happen overnight. Our job is to help our kids almost reclaim their feelings. It's not about fairness. My kid is disappointed. I am on this with my kids about referees. Nothing bothers me so much as at the end of a game, I hear these kids being like... Oh, we lost the game. That ref was awful.

Who did this vulnerable feeling to me? And I actually think this can't happen overnight. Our job is to help our kids almost reclaim their feelings. It's not about fairness. My kid is disappointed. I am on this with my kids about referees. Nothing bothers me so much as at the end of a game, I hear these kids being like... Oh, we lost the game. That ref was awful.

To me, it's like such early entitlement, which really is just the inability to tolerate your own frustration. That's all entitlement is. This can't be my frustration. Who did this to me? It's the referee, right? And it's like, I can't have this feeling, so I vomit it onto someone else. To me, when I hear that,

To me, it's like such early entitlement, which really is just the inability to tolerate your own frustration. That's all entitlement is. This can't be my frustration. Who did this to me? It's the referee, right? And it's like, I can't have this feeling, so I vomit it onto someone else. To me, when I hear that,