Dr. Becky Kennedy

And totally possible. To me, if there's one thing I ever want someone to take from anything I say is, it's never too late. It is never too late. Repair is amazing. It is never too late. The parent who's listening now is like, oh no, I guess I messed up my kid forever. You did not. By the way, I sometimes say bad things to my kids, too. We're human.

And totally possible. To me, if there's one thing I ever want someone to take from anything I say is, it's never too late. It is never too late. Repair is amazing. It is never too late. The parent who's listening now is like, oh no, I guess I messed up my kid forever. You did not. By the way, I sometimes say bad things to my kids, too. We're human.

But to me, it's the starting point of, right, my kid is good inside. That's why everything we do is called that. And to me, that idea isn't just a phrase that sounds nice. To me, it's actually a core principle. that is very different from a punishment or fear-based approach, which is if I believe my kid is good inside, and I always find visuals helpful.

But to me, it's the starting point of, right, my kid is good inside. That's why everything we do is called that. And to me, that idea isn't just a phrase that sounds nice. To me, it's actually a core principle. that is very different from a punishment or fear-based approach, which is if I believe my kid is good inside, and I always find visuals helpful.

So I look at one hand, I'm like, this is my kid. This is who they are. That's their identity. And they are good inside. And then I look at my other hand very far away and say, like, this is their behavior. This is what they did. And I would agree with a lot of parents telling me, like, oh, they lied to your face? I would agree, like, not great behavior. They hit their sister?

So I look at one hand, I'm like, this is my kid. This is who they are. That's their identity. And they are good inside. And then I look at my other hand very far away and say, like, this is their behavior. This is what they did. And I would agree with a lot of parents telling me, like, oh, they lied to your face? I would agree, like, not great behavior. They hit their sister?

Definitely not great behavior. But those things are different, and it's really important with your hands to keep them separate because you could then look at one hand and say, I have a good kid who hit their sister. And the only reason we want to punish and come down so harshly on our kids is because those hands collapse.

Definitely not great behavior. But those things are different, and it's really important with your hands to keep them separate because you could then look at one hand and say, I have a good kid who hit their sister. And the only reason we want to punish and come down so harshly on our kids is because those hands collapse.

It's because I see the bad behavior and I don't even realize it's so fast in my brain, but immediately I assume I have a bad kid.

It's because I see the bad behavior and I don't even realize it's so fast in my brain, but immediately I assume I have a bad kid.

That is my kid. It's collapsed. And to me, I mean, good inside is more things, but everything else flows from the foundation of like actually separating behavior from identity, which I think you get this, but not everyone does. So it's important to name that doesn't mean anything. condoning the behavior. Like, trying to understand behavior, we think means approving of behavior.

That is my kid. It's collapsed. And to me, I mean, good inside is more things, but everything else flows from the foundation of like actually separating behavior from identity, which I think you get this, but not everyone does. So it's important to name that doesn't mean anything. condoning the behavior. Like, trying to understand behavior, we think means approving of behavior.

But trying to understand why my kid is missing a layup, I don't think anyone thinks means that I think it's cool that my kid can't make a layup. They're different. But that separation is the foundation for everything.

But trying to understand why my kid is missing a layup, I don't think anyone thinks means that I think it's cool that my kid can't make a layup. They're different. But that separation is the foundation for everything.

Is it okay? I don't, for some reason, the reason mistakes that when I think about feels very like shame inducing. So, and it feels like final. So like what are the three things that I want to like myths or things I'd shift?

Is it okay? I don't, for some reason, the reason mistakes that when I think about feels very like shame inducing. So, and it feels like final. So like what are the three things that I want to like myths or things I'd shift?

I think that would be number one. Number one is that trying to understand your kid's bad behavior is the foundation for effectively changing their behavior.

I think that would be number one. Number one is that trying to understand your kid's bad behavior is the foundation for effectively changing their behavior.

You can only change what you understand.

You can only change what you understand.