Dr. Becky Kennedy

Versus doing nothing on the inside and just yelling or reacting on the outside. So the other day my son came to me before school, my youngest. And he goes, my sweatshirt's still dirty. And I was like, oh man. He goes, you promised me you would wash my sweatshirt before school. Between us, he never asked me that, okay? And here's my fork in the road. It's like, we all know what it would be easier.

By the way, I wanted to say back to him, 99% of me was about to go, you never asked me. And then he'd say, I did. No, you didn't. And now you're lying to me. And all of a sudden, it's like, okay. You know what he was saying to me? I wish my sweatshirt was clean. That's what he was saying. That's what we're all saying. And I'm so upset about it.

By the way, I wanted to say back to him, 99% of me was about to go, you never asked me. And then he'd say, I did. No, you didn't. And now you're lying to me. And all of a sudden, it's like, okay. You know what he was saying to me? I wish my sweatshirt was clean. That's what he was saying. That's what we're all saying. And I'm so upset about it.

By the way, I wanted to say back to him, 99% of me was about to go, you never asked me. And then he'd say, I did. No, you didn't. And now you're lying to me. And all of a sudden, it's like, okay. You know what he was saying to me? I wish my sweatshirt was clean. That's what he was saying. That's what we're all saying. And I'm so upset about it.

The feeling is so big that it's like too overwhelming in this moment as a seven-year-old to be mine. So like, I kind of have to make it your fault to try to make sense of it. So what did I do in the moment? I literally did nothing. What I... You promised me you'd watch my sweatshirt. And I went like this.

The feeling is so big that it's like too overwhelming in this moment as a seven-year-old to be mine. So like, I kind of have to make it your fault to try to make sense of it. So what did I do in the moment? I literally did nothing. What I... You promised me you'd watch my sweatshirt. And I went like this.

The feeling is so big that it's like too overwhelming in this moment as a seven-year-old to be mine. So like, I kind of have to make it your fault to try to make sense of it. So what did I do in the moment? I literally did nothing. What I... You promised me you'd watch my sweatshirt. And I went like this.

I kind of was just like looking at him like I knew what it was like to want something and not be able to have it. And he's like, you did. And the moment I go, I did. Oh, my sweatshirt is dirty. You really wanted it to be clean. He's like, I really did. I was like, that's the worst. Not joking. And then he, by the end, by five minutes later, I didn't say anything. He got another sweatshirt.

I kind of was just like looking at him like I knew what it was like to want something and not be able to have it. And he's like, you did. And the moment I go, I did. Oh, my sweatshirt is dirty. You really wanted it to be clean. He's like, I really did. I was like, that's the worst. Not joking. And then he, by the end, by five minutes later, I didn't say anything. He got another sweatshirt.

I kind of was just like looking at him like I knew what it was like to want something and not be able to have it. And he's like, you did. And the moment I go, I did. Oh, my sweatshirt is dirty. You really wanted it to be clean. He's like, I really did. I was like, that's the worst. Not joking. And then he, by the end, by five minutes later, I didn't say anything. He got another sweatshirt.

We moved on. I didn't say, I wasn't going to like ruin the moment by being like, see, you could cope or you never asked me. But I think in both these moments, whether someone's saying you're stressed or my kid's accusing me, I think about this a lot in parenting. I don't have to prove my parenting in a moment. I don't have to prove it to my kid.

We moved on. I didn't say, I wasn't going to like ruin the moment by being like, see, you could cope or you never asked me. But I think in both these moments, whether someone's saying you're stressed or my kid's accusing me, I think about this a lot in parenting. I don't have to prove my parenting in a moment. I don't have to prove it to my kid.

We moved on. I didn't say, I wasn't going to like ruin the moment by being like, see, you could cope or you never asked me. But I think in both these moments, whether someone's saying you're stressed or my kid's accusing me, I think about this a lot in parenting. I don't have to prove my parenting in a moment. I don't have to prove it to my kid.

I don't have to prove it because my mother-in-law is watching. Like, I trust myself way more than I trust one single moment to represent everything about me. And I think when we can gain a little bit of that confidence, we have a lot more freedom to just be effective parents. And two, also know there's a moment to do nothing.

I don't have to prove it because my mother-in-law is watching. Like, I trust myself way more than I trust one single moment to represent everything about me. And I think when we can gain a little bit of that confidence, we have a lot more freedom to just be effective parents. And two, also know there's a moment to do nothing.

I don't have to prove it because my mother-in-law is watching. Like, I trust myself way more than I trust one single moment to represent everything about me. And I think when we can gain a little bit of that confidence, we have a lot more freedom to just be effective parents. And two, also know there's a moment to do nothing.

And then if something's a chronic issue, if my son's chronically blaming me, when things are less heated, I'm going to say to him, you know, something and, you know, a calm moment.

And then if something's a chronic issue, if my son's chronically blaming me, when things are less heated, I'm going to say to him, you know, something and, you know, a calm moment.

And then if something's a chronic issue, if my son's chronically blaming me, when things are less heated, I'm going to say to him, you know, something and, you know, a calm moment.

You know, a question I'd have about that study, I'd be really curious if there was variation among subjects where some people that guilt part lit up a lot more.