Dr. Becky Kennedy

Stop doing it, right? And if a parent said to me, I'd be like, Louis, that is so beautiful. We know exactly where to start. And this goes back to not having the skills. Why would you understand a kid's behavior? It's very complicated. And so it would be like a surgeon saying, I don't understand how to do this surgery. And I'd be like, yeah, of course. Well, you don't go to medical school.

Stop doing it, right? And if a parent said to me, I'd be like, Louis, that is so beautiful. We know exactly where to start. And this goes back to not having the skills. Why would you understand a kid's behavior? It's very complicated. And so it would be like a surgeon saying, I don't understand how to do this surgery. And I'd be like, yeah, of course. Well, you don't go to medical school.

Let's get you into medical school. There are places where you can do that. Really. So we have to understand before we intervene.

Let's get you into medical school. There are places where you can do that. Really. So we have to understand before we intervene.

Right? I think that's like a principle of everything.

Right? I think that's like a principle of everything.

100%. There might be experts. There might be the right community. There's courses we can take. There's so many resources right now. There's the book. We do a million workshops, right? The reason I do workshops is because I was like, I have this private practice where I see a very limited group of people.

100%. There might be experts. There might be the right community. There's courses we can take. There's so many resources right now. There's the book. We do a million workshops, right? The reason I do workshops is because I was like, I have this private practice where I see a very limited group of people.

And I was like, honestly, at the end of the day, I kind of have some version of the same 10 to 15 sessions all day long. They're always about the same topics, right? Slightly different story, but same core things. And I was like, I would like to democratize access to that. So that's what my workshops are. They're just... things that would come up in private practice, but to more people.

And I was like, honestly, at the end of the day, I kind of have some version of the same 10 to 15 sessions all day long. They're always about the same topics, right? Slightly different story, but same core things. And I was like, I would like to democratize access to that. So that's what my workshops are. They're just... things that would come up in private practice, but to more people.

So there's so many resources. That's number one.

So there's so many resources. That's number one.

Number two is that our job is not to make our kid happy.

Number two is that our job is not to make our kid happy.

Because when we focus on making our kids happy. we actually start to make them fearful and less tolerant of all of the other emotions that will inevitably be part of their life into adulthood. And so when our kid says, I'm gonna make this up, like, I'm the only one in my class who can't read. It's like the most painful moment as a parent. Oh, I feel my kid's pain, right?

Because when we focus on making our kids happy. we actually start to make them fearful and less tolerant of all of the other emotions that will inevitably be part of their life into adulthood. And so when our kid says, I'm gonna make this up, like, I'm the only one in my class who can't read. It's like the most painful moment as a parent. Oh, I feel my kid's pain, right?

And maybe, let's just say it's true. They really might be. We have the urge to say, everyone reads at their own pace, but you're amazing at soccer, but you're so good at math. I want to make them happy. All that does for my kid is, because during childhood, Kids are not just learning about a situation with a parent.

And maybe, let's just say it's true. They really might be. We have the urge to say, everyone reads at their own pace, but you're amazing at soccer, but you're so good at math. I want to make them happy. All that does for my kid is, because during childhood, Kids are not just learning about a situation with a parent.

They're taking interactions and they're making generalizations, not from one moment, but patterns about what emotions are safe? What emotions can I deal with? What can I tolerate? And what emotions, as soon as I feel them, do I need to like turn off right away? And so when a kid says, I'm the only one who can't read,

They're taking interactions and they're making generalizations, not from one moment, but patterns about what emotions are safe? What emotions can I deal with? What can I tolerate? And what emotions, as soon as I feel them, do I need to like turn off right away? And so when a kid says, I'm the only one who can't read,