Dr. Becky Kennedy

Nobody in the world thinks that it's okay to be slow, kind of on the slower end of developing a skill. Fast forward to adulthood, there's basically one feeling that kid feels capable of having. Happiness. The range of feelings instead of wide like this, that a kid feels capable feeling, is like this. That's the essence of fragility.

If I feel anything but successful, if I feel anything but ease and comfort, my body has this massive alarm going off, which makes sense because every time in childhood I felt anything else, there was an alarm because everyone did whatever they could around me to, quote, rescue me.

If I feel anything but successful, if I feel anything but ease and comfort, my body has this massive alarm going off, which makes sense because every time in childhood I felt anything else, there was an alarm because everyone did whatever they could around me to, quote, rescue me.

If I feel anything but successful, if I feel anything but ease and comfort, my body has this massive alarm going off, which makes sense because every time in childhood I felt anything else, there was an alarm because everyone did whatever they could around me to, quote, rescue me.

It usually comes from the best intentions and it's almost counterintuitive. So I'll give a couple examples. And again, one moment with a kid does not make for a pattern. So my examples are meant to be illustrative of like, this is a general pattern. So let's say your kid comes home, they're in kindergarten, they're in first grade, whatever it is. I'm the only one in my class who can't read.

It usually comes from the best intentions and it's almost counterintuitive. So I'll give a couple examples. And again, one moment with a kid does not make for a pattern. So my examples are meant to be illustrative of like, this is a general pattern. So let's say your kid comes home, they're in kindergarten, they're in first grade, whatever it is. I'm the only one in my class who can't read.

It usually comes from the best intentions and it's almost counterintuitive. So I'll give a couple examples. And again, one moment with a kid does not make for a pattern. So my examples are meant to be illustrative of like, this is a general pattern. So let's say your kid comes home, they're in kindergarten, they're in first grade, whatever it is. I'm the only one in my class who can't read.

Now, I think our natural urge as a parent, because it's understandable. We don't love seeing our kid upset. They're really obsessed to say something like, that can't be true, or everyone reads at their own pace. But sweetie, you're so good at chess. You're so good at math. And if you think about the visual of this moment, because I think the visual really matters.

Now, I think our natural urge as a parent, because it's understandable. We don't love seeing our kid upset. They're really obsessed to say something like, that can't be true, or everyone reads at their own pace. But sweetie, you're so good at chess. You're so good at math. And if you think about the visual of this moment, because I think the visual really matters.

Now, I think our natural urge as a parent, because it's understandable. We don't love seeing our kid upset. They're really obsessed to say something like, that can't be true, or everyone reads at their own pace. But sweetie, you're so good at chess. You're so good at math. And if you think about the visual of this moment, because I think the visual really matters.

Picture your kid in a garden, okay? And there's all these benches. And the benches are essentially experiences. So right now they're sitting on the, I'm the only one who can't read bench. Really, Jordan, you and I know, that is a more general bench. It's really the bench of other people are further along in something than I am. Or I feel jealous or I feel behind.

Picture your kid in a garden, okay? And there's all these benches. And the benches are essentially experiences. So right now they're sitting on the, I'm the only one who can't read bench. Really, Jordan, you and I know, that is a more general bench. It's really the bench of other people are further along in something than I am. Or I feel jealous or I feel behind.

Picture your kid in a garden, okay? And there's all these benches. And the benches are essentially experiences. So right now they're sitting on the, I'm the only one who can't read bench. Really, Jordan, you and I know, that is a more general bench. It's really the bench of other people are further along in something than I am. Or I feel jealous or I feel behind.

Again, I actually think that's a bench you're on at various moments in every decade of your life. So my kid is sitting on the bench and we either want to pull them off the bench and we're like, look at that sunny bench. Or we do something that's also well-intentioned but harmful is we say something like, you don't really feel that way. We kind of say your bench isn't your bench.

Again, I actually think that's a bench you're on at various moments in every decade of your life. So my kid is sitting on the bench and we either want to pull them off the bench and we're like, look at that sunny bench. Or we do something that's also well-intentioned but harmful is we say something like, you don't really feel that way. We kind of say your bench isn't your bench.

Again, I actually think that's a bench you're on at various moments in every decade of your life. So my kid is sitting on the bench and we either want to pull them off the bench and we're like, look at that sunny bench. Or we do something that's also well-intentioned but harmful is we say something like, you don't really feel that way. We kind of say your bench isn't your bench.

No, no, no, it's not that big of a deal. That can't be true. And so what happens is our kid is feeling upset, quote, on this bench. And then they learn my parent is also scared of me being on this bench. So actually what happens in their body is they encode their difficult feeling next to our fear of their difficult feeling.

No, no, no, it's not that big of a deal. That can't be true. And so what happens is our kid is feeling upset, quote, on this bench. And then they learn my parent is also scared of me being on this bench. So actually what happens in their body is they encode their difficult feeling next to our fear of their difficult feeling.

No, no, no, it's not that big of a deal. That can't be true. And so what happens is our kid is feeling upset, quote, on this bench. And then they learn my parent is also scared of me being on this bench. So actually what happens in their body is they encode their difficult feeling next to our fear of their difficult feeling.

It should be no surprise that when our kid doesn't make the soccer team the next year, our kid has that much more of a kind of tantrum reaction because they have learned how to react to that feeling. It has a lot to do with how we respond to the feeling. And so resilience building in that moment and actually confidence and capability building means saying something back to your kid simple.