Dr Becky Quicke
speaker
100 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Mar 2025
last heard Mar 2025
Dr Becky Quicke’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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I mean, it's, it's blown my mind as a parent to see other parents who I really like and respect as even with babies and young children talking about, oh, that sort of typical, typical boys always moving is always running around and, oh yeah, she's a girl. She's sat, yeah, sat, you know, drawing. I wish my, I wish my boy would do that. And,
so girls from a really young age i'll just focus on on girls because that's my my personal experience and obviously professional experience um learn that that that's apparently not okay and and there are low obviously girls well just girls generally we don't have to even talk about adhd and but um very very active girls but you kind of learn that that's you're not meant to do that um
And so, yeah, definitely the kind of social conditioning of girls being good and be honest, like obedient, doing what you're told, all that kind of good girl programming has a massive impact. Yeah. And and actually, you know, so a lot of girls kind of become, you know, very, very good girls and sort of switch everything off or kind of learn how to not show their true selves.
And also with all DHD. Moving, you know, it's just, yeah, I'm just thinking about how the education system requires children to just sit still and it's just bizarre. But yeah, so moving and being potentially told off because you're ADHD is...
the worst thing for an autistic child who doesn't want that attention doesn't want that that you know doesn't want the the teacher pulling attention to them people looking at them like it's that combination of like oh so really really make sure you kind of develop strategies to to not um move sort of fidget slightly but like you say or kind of internally and kind of keep yourself stimulated keep your brain stimulated
um it's a huge topic I feel like we could have a whole podcast just on that to be honest um yeah it's it's it's a it's a complex one because I guess it depends on the family environment and I do think that there are some intergenerational kind of patterns around not not being diagnosed so parents so hypothetically you know parents who
are neurodivergent and not diagnosed and and struggling creating an environment where potentially um they struggle to regulate their emotions and so could be shouting could be aggressive or could shut shut down the other way you could shut down and kind of withdraw and so that then impacts the the child and their relationship with their parent because that's the kind of
that we're social mammals and we learn about ourselves, about others and about the world from our caregivers. We're not born, we're born as very vulnerable beings and we learn it all through those caregivers. And so if there's an environment where there's, undiagnosed neurodivergence, that can then have an impact on the child. So they could experience trauma in that way.
I've worked with lots of families prior to these assessment services. I've worked with a lot of families like that. And then it depends, I guess, whether the child... then learns to understand themselves or if not stays in that environment. And then, you know, we talked before about the feeling of shame and sort of doing things to not feel those feelings.
So there can be trauma in the family environment. But also we were talking before, weren't we, about social vulnerability and experiencing different, having different experiences that potentially put someone in a, where they might experience trauma. So, yeah, it's a really, really complex topic. And in assessment, it's quite important to...
unpick all of that um and i mean really kind of focus in and take the time to unpick that rather than just saying oh actually you know you've experienced trauma and even even development so early years trauma is called developmental trauma so in those first early years um you know, you've experienced that early developmental trauma or you've experienced trauma through your life.
So actually how you're experiencing the world can be explained by that. So we won't diagnose you that, you know, it's just really not okay. I think to not take the time and unpick it because there are, there are, So in terms of social relationships, if someone's experienced trauma, then there's likely to be kind of mistrust within that relationship. It's different sometimes.
um, from somebody who's autistic and struggling with relationships. And that's more about around, um, social cues and kind of there's, there's differences. Now somebody obviously couldn't have, couldn't have been experienced trauma and being autistic. And so both can be there. Um, but it's about, it is about unpicking it. And actually there are some really, um, helpful tools for clinicians.
One of them is called the Coventry grid, which actually, um, and this is, it's been developed for children. Um, I really need something for adults, but around when something indicates trauma and when something's autism and actually it goes through in detail all the different things and it's different. So it's important to kind of work out, you know, what it might be or both really. Yeah.
Yeah, it can on the surface look similar. I think that's what's tricky. You know, so I've worked with a lot of children who've experienced trauma. That's kind of been my majority of my career to date. And I'm going to be completely honest. I look back to, you know, 10, 15 years ago and I think, oh, gosh, there are some that I now with, you know, with my work now, I look back and think, wow.
Gosh, I actually wonder whether, you know, that child might have been neurodivergent. And there is research to show now that... in terms of children who are in foster care, looked after children, there's a high percentage of neurodivergent children. And those are the services I used to work in and really don't think that we were aware of that in the past. And I know that that's kind of changing.
What's quite telling is in the interactions, actually. So it does... It does feel very different when you're with somebody who has experienced a lot of relational trauma. So they might be more wanting to kind of have control over you and kind of dominate and have control over you.
And that kind of gives them that sense of control, whereas someone who's autistic or ADHD, it's not about being in control over another person. They're not mistrusting and anxious within that relationship, which understandably happens when someone's experienced relational trauma. It's more about actually the environment and having things kind of predictable and kind of...
having that preference for the sameness and the control in that way. So it does feel different as an assessing clinician. So there are, sometimes we have, Yeah, we have not diagnosed because it's been really clear that there's relational trauma. And as a girl, what we often say is if the girl hasn't reached diagnostic criteria, they may do. It's not sort of saying, well, that's it.
They're not autistic or ADHD or ADHD. But we...
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