Dr. Brian Pennie

I became very still and very present.

I didn't realize it at the time.

But when I started meditating in treatment, I had this realization that my mind was very quiet.

So with the quieting of the voices and that inner dialogue, there was an awareness and I became so interested and I nearly internalised this process of mindful self-observation and I was reading these books from Eckhart Tolle and Anthony de Mello and I became like a ninja at observing my thoughts, bodily sensations and emotions.

And that has become the greatest gift for me because I constantly have one eye on the inside.

And it's like if some challenge happens, I nearly observe my reaction before the reaction.

And that has given me the gift.

That's how I change my relationship with anxiety.

That's why I say I'm recovered and I'm not on recovery because I fully believe, like I wouldn't say I'm bulletproof, but it takes a lot to rattle me and take me.

And drinking drugs just seem aversive to me today.

It's not something I'd even want to do even if I had the choice.

I think it comes from the fact, right, and I do, people have different entry points into addiction.

They have different entry points out.

For some people, the fellowship process works.

To say I'm in recovery works.

But for me, it really came from the fact that, like, I didn't have an addiction issue or a heroin issue.

It was a symptom of an underlying problem, which was trauma, anxiety and panic attacks.

I have an incredible relationship with anxiety today.

It comes, I watch it go, I have loads of tools, I have loads of techniques, but it's not even a problem.

I don't even need to use the tools.