Dr. Caroline Fleck

If you're in a relationship in which you're feeling, again, as we described earlier, like really kind of lonely, one thing to consider is... whether or not, one, you've been vulnerable, and if you have, two, if it has felt safe, if you have felt accepted in those moments or not. And if not...

I wanna live in a world, I mean, my purpose for writing this book is that I wanna live in a world where we can say to each other like, hey, I need some more validation.

I wanna live in a world, I mean, my purpose for writing this book is that I wanna live in a world where we can say to each other like, hey, I need some more validation.

I wanna live in a world, I mean, my purpose for writing this book is that I wanna live in a world where we can say to each other like, hey, I need some more validation.

In my house, that is just like the language we use because every single person, when someone comes to them with a problem or an issue or they feel bad, our inclination is to problem solve, like jump in with what they could do differently. You got to just tell your manager that he can't talk to you like that. That's just where we go.

In my house, that is just like the language we use because every single person, when someone comes to them with a problem or an issue or they feel bad, our inclination is to problem solve, like jump in with what they could do differently. You got to just tell your manager that he can't talk to you like that. That's just where we go.

In my house, that is just like the language we use because every single person, when someone comes to them with a problem or an issue or they feel bad, our inclination is to problem solve, like jump in with what they could do differently. You got to just tell your manager that he can't talk to you like that. That's just where we go.

And nine times out of 10, when people come to us with something, they're just seeking validation. They just want to know that they're not crazy. So that's what you need to provide. And yet... We don't do that. We attend to what we think we can fix. That's how we were raised. That's the culture we were brought up in.

And nine times out of 10, when people come to us with something, they're just seeking validation. They just want to know that they're not crazy. So that's what you need to provide. And yet... We don't do that. We attend to what we think we can fix. That's how we were raised. That's the culture we were brought up in.

And nine times out of 10, when people come to us with something, they're just seeking validation. They just want to know that they're not crazy. So that's what you need to provide. And yet... We don't do that. We attend to what we think we can fix. That's how we were raised. That's the culture we were brought up in.

So in those moments, if the other person can say, actually, I'm just seeking validation right now, it should be like a gear shift. So I'm a psychologist. My poor husband has to deal with living with a psychologist who, I know this sounds like, yeah, I'd be really good at validation. But I'm also like, oh, I see all the things that you should change. Like, mm, you're not thinking about that right.

So in those moments, if the other person can say, actually, I'm just seeking validation right now, it should be like a gear shift. So I'm a psychologist. My poor husband has to deal with living with a psychologist who, I know this sounds like, yeah, I'd be really good at validation. But I'm also like, oh, I see all the things that you should change. Like, mm, you're not thinking about that right.

So in those moments, if the other person can say, actually, I'm just seeking validation right now, it should be like a gear shift. So I'm a psychologist. My poor husband has to deal with living with a psychologist who, I know this sounds like, yeah, I'd be really good at validation. But I'm also like, oh, I see all the things that you should change. Like, mm, you're not thinking about that right.

Or like, mm, that's not quite right. And he'll often say like, OK, thanks. I just need validation. And that isn't offensive to me. I'm not I don't feel like he's criticizing me. It's just like, oh, shoot. I was like aiming at the wrong thing. Right. Like I need to like, OK, the dartboard boards over in the other direction.

Or like, mm, that's not quite right. And he'll often say like, OK, thanks. I just need validation. And that isn't offensive to me. I'm not I don't feel like he's criticizing me. It's just like, oh, shoot. I was like aiming at the wrong thing. Right. Like I need to like, OK, the dartboard boards over in the other direction.

Or like, mm, that's not quite right. And he'll often say like, OK, thanks. I just need validation. And that isn't offensive to me. I'm not I don't feel like he's criticizing me. It's just like, oh, shoot. I was like aiming at the wrong thing. Right. Like I need to like, OK, the dartboard boards over in the other direction.

And my daughter, like all the time, I'll say to her, do you want to do you want validation or problem solving? Like, mom, I didn't get into I don't like the camp that I'm in. I hate it. All right, do you want validation or problem solving? She says validation, then I'll go down that road. If she wants problem solving, then I'll say, OK, well, have you tried this? What about that? What about this?

And my daughter, like all the time, I'll say to her, do you want to do you want validation or problem solving? Like, mom, I didn't get into I don't like the camp that I'm in. I hate it. All right, do you want validation or problem solving? She says validation, then I'll go down that road. If she wants problem solving, then I'll say, OK, well, have you tried this? What about that? What about this?

And my daughter, like all the time, I'll say to her, do you want to do you want validation or problem solving? Like, mom, I didn't get into I don't like the camp that I'm in. I hate it. All right, do you want validation or problem solving? She says validation, then I'll go down that road. If she wants problem solving, then I'll say, OK, well, have you tried this? What about that? What about this?

And then if she starts giving me, yeah, but that doesn't work because of this and that, then I know she actually needs validation.