Dr. Colman Noctor

Do you know what I mean?

Like, this is essentially it.

And it's it's like I want you to reject me, but not too much.

Do you know what I mean?

So if somebody rejects me a little bit, that keeps me interested, but doesn't reject me too much, that keeps me devastated.

That relationship may sustain for years in that way.

And then I meet someone else who.

might not reject me at all.

And I actually need someone to reject me a little bit.

So there's the complexity.

So we could be all of them.

You've got a very secure relationship with your job and a very anxious relationship with your relationships.

But the other thing is, and I know I said at the start it was kind of early childhood, like a relationship in your life in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s could affect your attachment style.

You know, if you had a long-term relationship but you were complete and then you found out someone was betraying you or unfaithful, that could affect every relationship that goes thereafter.

Do you know what I mean?

So there's never...

Well, I suppose if you were in a childhood relationship where you weren't sure where you stood and maybe you needed to check in many, many times.

Say, for example, if you had a parent who was depressed or very sad or non-responsive so that you weren't sure that they were caring for you all the time, you might need to tap them on the shoulder and ask them, are they OK?

And ask them, do they love you?

And do they still care about you?