Dr. David Burns

So it's to be like a court reporter and to be respectful and to accurately say what the other person said and how they're feeling. And you're not allowed to agree with them. You're not allowed to disagree with them. You just have to get it right. So are you ready?

So it's to be like a court reporter and to be respectful and to accurately say what the other person said and how they're feeling. And you're not allowed to agree with them. You're not allowed to disagree with them. You just have to get it right. So are you ready?

Well, no, not exactly. But, you know, we'll know when 30 seconds is about done. It's not that literal. OK, Matt. By the way, you listeners can try, too. And that's what I'm going to do. I can take notes on what Rhonda says so I can see if I can get it all. OK, go for it, Rhonda.

Well, no, not exactly. But, you know, we'll know when 30 seconds is about done. It's not that literal. OK, Matt. By the way, you listeners can try, too. And that's what I'm going to do. I can take notes on what Rhonda says so I can see if I can get it all. OK, go for it, Rhonda.

And so now ask Rhonda, what grade do you go?

And so now ask Rhonda, what grade do you go?

Okay, I would give you about a 75%, Matt. Oh, 75%? Yeah, and Rhonda was very generous with you because while you got her thought empathy, her statements pretty accurately, you only acknowledged one feeling, frustration. And I can guarantee she had at least 10 feelings. Yes. Certainly six, a beginner could come up with six.

Okay, I would give you about a 75%, Matt. Oh, 75%? Yeah, and Rhonda was very generous with you because while you got her thought empathy, her statements pretty accurately, you only acknowledged one feeling, frustration. And I can guarantee she had at least 10 feelings. Yes. Certainly six, a beginner could come up with six.

Can you tell her, tell Matt what he missed in terms of how you're feeling, Rhonda? Like you might be feeling hurt and sad and lonely and ignored and devalued and, you know, on and on.

Can you tell her, tell Matt what he missed in terms of how you're feeling, Rhonda? Like you might be feeling hurt and sad and lonely and ignored and devalued and, you know, on and on.

And Rhonda, just a question for you, Rhonda, did you feel sad or joyful?

And Rhonda, just a question for you, Rhonda, did you feel sad or joyful?

Uh-huh. So we could add that. And did you feel loved or lonely? Lonely. Uh-huh. So we could add that. Uh-huh. And alone. Uh-huh. And any other negative feelings that you were feeling, Rhonda?

Uh-huh. So we could add that. And did you feel loved or lonely? Lonely. Uh-huh. So we could add that. Uh-huh. And alone. Uh-huh. And any other negative feelings that you were feeling, Rhonda?

Yeah, well, you mentioned that irritating. We can add angry. That's a good word, too. Now you can ask Matt to paraphrase again.

Yeah, well, you mentioned that irritating. We can add angry. That's a good word, too. Now you can ask Matt to paraphrase again.

Yeah, that's beautiful. And that's how it works. Now we can do another round of it, or that might be good enough to illustrate it. And I could tell you what's the strong thing here and what's the weak thing here. And I can also tell you if one of the two partners doesn't follow the rules, what that means. So you want to do another round or should we talk about the technique?

Yeah, that's beautiful. And that's how it works. Now we can do another round of it, or that might be good enough to illustrate it. And I could tell you what's the strong thing here and what's the weak thing here. And I can also tell you if one of the two partners doesn't follow the rules, what that means. So you want to do another round or should we talk about the technique?

Sure. Well, if one of the two partners interrupts and doesn't follow the rules, and that's happened to me, what would that tell you, Rhonda? Yeah. They give you multiple choice, if you like.

Sure. Well, if one of the two partners interrupts and doesn't follow the rules, and that's happened to me, what would that tell you, Rhonda? Yeah. They give you multiple choice, if you like.