Dr. Emily Morse
speaker
388 appearances
3 recordings
3 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard 17 Feb
Dr. Emily Morse’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Feb 2026 with 1.
Appearances
So sexual intelligence or sex IQ is really something that came to me when I was, I was writing my last book, smart sex, and it's called smart sex, how to boost your sex IQ and own your pleasure. But it was only when I was writing it that it occurred to me that, listen, you know, people talk about their writing or they're thinking they have a download. I was always sort of envious of those people.
I was like, you had to download your whole book, just download it. And you wrote it like from the universe.
Well, this actually happens to me with the five pillars because I was thinking that after all these years, when it comes to sex, because it's still shameful, taboo, and shrouded mystery, and it's the kind of thing where people think about sex, they're like, give me the quick tip, trick, or technique, and then I'll be on my way. Mm. Like I want a quick fix for whatever's wrong.
I can't have an orgasm. I'm no longer turned on by my partner. Something's wrong with my penis. Give me one tip and then I'm out. But the truth is that sex is wellness. Pleasure is wellness. And so the five pillars of sexual IQ or sexual intelligence really came to me because it really is a multilayered approach. You have to think about it. your overall health and wellness and self-confidence.
So the pillars break down this way. The first one is embodiment. And that's, are we in our bodies during sex? Or are we disassociating, thinking about the laundry, thinking about our bodies, thinking about our kids, thinking if we're pleasing our partner enough. And so that's really, we know what it's like to be in embodied is his presence. Am I in my body? I'm actually feeling it.
Am I connected to my partner? And so that's the first thing we got to check. And, you know, I give a lot of tips for that, as does your entire podcast, but that's just a big part of it and your body of work. The second one is health, and that is our mental health and our physical health. And so we have to look at, are we taking any medications that might be impacting our sexuality?
People are often surprised to hear that the birth control pill, antidepressants, blood thinners, All these things impact our ability to orgasm, arousal, not to mention, I call them the pleasure thieves, but stress, trauma, and shame. These things are very heady and heady stew, especially shame. Those get in the way. Our physical health, blood flow. Are we exercising? Are we moving our bodies?
If we are not, that's going to impact our arousal. Our ability to get erections, have blood flow, to have orgasms. The foods we're eating, hormones, those are all the second pillar of health. The third pillar is collaboration. And this is a big one. This is all about like, okay, so I want to be having better sex, but have I actually talked to my partner about it? How well am I collaborating?
How well do I understand polarity, sexual polarities, right? The masculine and the feminine. How well am I just even, I always say communication is a lubrication. Do I feel comfortable asking for what I want? So am I collaborating with my partner? That's the third pillar. And then we get into self-knowledge. How well do I know myself as a sexual being?
Do I actually know what I like, what my turn-ons are, and what my requirement is to be aroused? And if so, am I speaking that? Am I talking about that? Am I sharing that? And then the final one is self-acceptance. And that's all about... you know, our confidence and accepting our bodies and our experience as it is today in this moment?
Are we accepting it so we can fully be present with our pleasure?
Yeah, absolutely. I would say that of the pleasure thieves, that shame is probably the most destructive, but also the most insidious. We don't really see all the ways that shame is sort of creeping into our lives. And a lot of it is cultural conditioning. And I think for shame, first, we have to think when we hear that voice in our head and shame kind of sounds like you shouldn't be doing this.
You know, my body, you know, I shouldn't be sexual anymore. I'm not sexy. I don't feel good in my body. What's my partner thinking? Am I actually pleasing them? Is my sex more performative? You know, it's all those judgments. It's the negative self-talk. And then we can look at that voice and say, where's that coming from? Is that actually my thoughts?
Has that been implanted in my brain by somebody else somewhere else at another time? And if so, can I replace that voice with a more positive sex, positive message or affirmation? You know, my body is deserving of pleasure. Pleasure is my birthright. And so, I mean, that's one way to undo the shame, notice where it's coming from and then like replace it. And again, we don't rid ourselves of shame.
We manage our shame. I don't know that you ever fully release it because voices come into our head a lot. I mean, maybe I, I guess I always want to, I guess it's a process.
So I think another way is to, is to surround yourself, like I said, with sex positive voices and people that support you and that aren't judging you and that people who, you know, find partners who also have a growth mindset around sex and who are on the sexual journey with you. Sex is an exploration. It is a journey, not a destination. Yeah.
And so that's another way is when you're with somebody who is supporting you and going along with you. And then also just, yeah, I mean, those are some, some ways to do it. Just rewiring your conditioning.
It's a big part of it. Surrounding yourself with the community, the voices, the following sex, positive voices, the podcast, all of that. And yes, I mean, we were so lucky that we are in a positive community where we are in the world and where we live. And we're so grateful. I am so grateful, but we still have a long way to go.
So when I say like, we probably don't, I don't have a lot of sexual shame. I've shamed maybe about other things sometimes, but, but yeah, I mean, that's, it is such a beautiful community. It's like, thank you to be with, to fully be with partners who support us in our sexuality and who want us to have pleasure and we are so lucky for that.
And I want people to know that that is accessible for you too.
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