Dr. Erica Komisar

Same with two women who are raising children. It's better to have a father and a mother than two mothers. So which of you is going to be the dad? Which of you is going to roughhouse and play basketball and roll around on the ground and tickle the baby and encourage exploration and risk-taking?

Same with two women who are raising children. It's better to have a father and a mother than two mothers. So which of you is going to be the dad? Which of you is going to roughhouse and play basketball and roll around on the ground and tickle the baby and encourage exploration and risk-taking?

No, no, no. And I'll tell you why. It's very confusing to children. When parents say, I'm both mother and father to my child, I say, no, no. It's very confusing to children. They need to have a mother figure and a father figure. And I say that knowing today's politics and knowing today's social situation. you can have a mother figure who's not a mother. Maybe it's a nanny.

No, no, no. And I'll tell you why. It's very confusing to children. When parents say, I'm both mother and father to my child, I say, no, no. It's very confusing to children. They need to have a mother figure and a father figure. And I say that knowing today's politics and knowing today's social situation. you can have a mother figure who's not a mother. Maybe it's a nanny.

Maybe it's a grandmother. You need a mother figure. And you need that mother figure to be around a lot. if that mother figure is the one who provides the sensitive empathic nurturing. So some of this can be taught, but it can't be taught unless you first acknowledge that there are differences.

Maybe it's a grandmother. You need a mother figure. And you need that mother figure to be around a lot. if that mother figure is the one who provides the sensitive empathic nurturing. So some of this can be taught, but it can't be taught unless you first acknowledge that there are differences.

If we cannot, as a society, acknowledge the inconvenient truth that men and women are different in terms of their nurturing behaviors, then we can't teach anybody anything.

If we cannot, as a society, acknowledge the inconvenient truth that men and women are different in terms of their nurturing behaviors, then we can't teach anybody anything.

I know.

I know.

So it's a good question. I get a lot of people coming to me and saying, and this is very common, I want to quit my job. I want to downscale. I want to work part time. But my husband won't support it. Because I made a promise that I would be the primary breadwinner. And now I want to switch and he won't switch. Or he doesn't support me giving up my high-paying job.

So it's a good question. I get a lot of people coming to me and saying, and this is very common, I want to quit my job. I want to downscale. I want to work part time. But my husband won't support it. Because I made a promise that I would be the primary breadwinner. And now I want to switch and he won't switch. Or he doesn't support me giving up my high-paying job.

But I feel this transformation of being with my baby and I don't want to leave my baby. The problem with young people is they promise each other, they make promises to each other that they probably should not make. Do not promise your spouse that nothing will change when you have a baby. Say to your spouse, let's prepare. everything to change. Let's believe that anything is possible and let's

But I feel this transformation of being with my baby and I don't want to leave my baby. The problem with young people is they promise each other, they make promises to each other that they probably should not make. Do not promise your spouse that nothing will change when you have a baby. Say to your spouse, let's prepare. everything to change. Let's believe that anything is possible and let's

prepare. Let's strategize. Let's say, what if I want to stay home with the baby? What if I, I may not feel like that now, but what if I see this baby and I fall in love with this baby and I want to stay home and I'm the mother and I want to breastfeed and I don't want to go back to work for a while? And so then you say, what would that scenario look like? What could we do?

prepare. Let's strategize. Let's say, what if I want to stay home with the baby? What if I, I may not feel like that now, but what if I see this baby and I fall in love with this baby and I want to stay home and I'm the mother and I want to breastfeed and I don't want to go back to work for a while? And so then you say, what would that scenario look like? What could we do?

What could we downscale in terms of our material life and our lifestyle that makes it possible for me to stay home And I don't think we do that. Instead, women say nothing's going to change and men say nothing's going to change. And then they have babies and they're not prepared for the changes that occur. Changes occur in men too. It's not just women.

What could we downscale in terms of our material life and our lifestyle that makes it possible for me to stay home And I don't think we do that. Instead, women say nothing's going to change and men say nothing's going to change. And then they have babies and they're not prepared for the changes that occur. Changes occur in men too. It's not just women.

I mean, fathers also can have this transformation, right? Where they also want to work less or, you know, sometimes the transformation comes in the form of wanting to work less and being home. Sometimes it comes in the form of, oh, wanting to go out and take on the world so they can provide for their family. But it does stimulate something.

I mean, fathers also can have this transformation, right? Where they also want to work less or, you know, sometimes the transformation comes in the form of wanting to work less and being home. Sometimes it comes in the form of, oh, wanting to go out and take on the world so they can provide for their family. But it does stimulate something.