Dr. Erica Komisar

It stimulates some evolutionary response in men and women. The hardest thing I find is when men and women compete. It was much easier in the olden days. Now, not everything was good in the olden days, but you would say the idea that roles were defined meant that men and women didn't compete over their roles anymore.

It stimulates some evolutionary response in men and women. The hardest thing I find is when men and women compete. It was much easier in the olden days. Now, not everything was good in the olden days, but you would say the idea that roles were defined meant that men and women didn't compete over their roles anymore.

Now what I think is causing a lot of these divorces and what's causing a lot of marital conflict is that men and women compete over everything. They compete over who's going to make more money. They compete over who's going to care for the baby. And so it's like you're a CEO of a company. You had your own company. So you can't have co-CEOs. I mean, I don't know if you did, but it doesn't work.

Now what I think is causing a lot of these divorces and what's causing a lot of marital conflict is that men and women compete over everything. They compete over who's going to make more money. They compete over who's going to care for the baby. And so it's like you're a CEO of a company. You had your own company. So you can't have co-CEOs. I mean, I don't know if you did, but it doesn't work.

I mean, anybody that I've ever treated that says we're going to do co-CEOs, it always falls apart. You can have a CEO. You can have a president. You can have the head of marketing. You can have a CFO. You can have a CO. These are different roles. And they don't compete with one another. They work as a team. Parenting is a team sport, not a competitive sport.

I mean, anybody that I've ever treated that says we're going to do co-CEOs, it always falls apart. You can have a CEO. You can have a president. You can have the head of marketing. You can have a CFO. You can have a CO. These are different roles. And they don't compete with one another. They work as a team. Parenting is a team sport, not a competitive sport.

And so what's happening today because of all this gender neutrality and I'm as good as you and you're as good as me and we're the same, it means that couples are competing with one another. And that's causing so much tension because what's best is when couples complement each other. when their differences mean that as a team, they work well to care for a child.

And so what's happening today because of all this gender neutrality and I'm as good as you and you're as good as me and we're the same, it means that couples are competing with one another. And that's causing so much tension because what's best is when couples complement each other. when their differences mean that as a team, they work well to care for a child.

And I would say the secret to success in a marriage is save your competition for the tennis court, for the basketball court, for running in the park. But don't compete over child rearing, who's going to take care of the children. Don't compete over who makes more money. Find a way to complement each other and be a team.

And I would say the secret to success in a marriage is save your competition for the tennis court, for the basketball court, for running in the park. But don't compete over child rearing, who's going to take care of the children. Don't compete over who makes more money. Find a way to complement each other and be a team.

No. I'm saying that there are certain careers realistically. Here's the inconvenient truth again. Bunch of inconvenient truths. There are certain careers that are harder to be a good mother. Period. I'm saying that. I know it's a harsh toke, but there it is. There are certain careers that are too demanding to be present for your children, whether you're a mother or a father.

No. I'm saying that there are certain careers realistically. Here's the inconvenient truth again. Bunch of inconvenient truths. There are certain careers that are harder to be a good mother. Period. I'm saying that. I know it's a harsh toke, but there it is. There are certain careers that are too demanding to be present for your children, whether you're a mother or a father.

You think if you're a father who's a CEO who's traveling around the world and misses your children's birthday and misses your children's soccer games and misses your children's piano concerts and isn't there to pick them up at school or have breakfast with them or have dinner at the end of the day, you think that child is going to have a healthy relationship with that parent? Another myth.

You think if you're a father who's a CEO who's traveling around the world and misses your children's birthday and misses your children's soccer games and misses your children's piano concerts and isn't there to pick them up at school or have breakfast with them or have dinner at the end of the day, you think that child is going to have a healthy relationship with that parent? Another myth.

Here we are. I told you I was going to weave the myths in. Quality versus quantity time. You cannot be there for your children on your own time. You have to be there on their time. Meaning quality time is a narcissistic fantasy. I can be there on my time So my child sits at home and is like a vase on the counter waiting for me to come home.

Here we are. I told you I was going to weave the myths in. Quality versus quantity time. You cannot be there for your children on your own time. You have to be there on their time. Meaning quality time is a narcissistic fantasy. I can be there on my time So my child sits at home and is like a vase on the counter waiting for me to come home.

And then I come home and there I can be present for my child. Your child has needed you all day long. And when you come home, that's on your time. You need to be there a quality of time as well as a quantity of time. I always say to people that you can be physically present but be emotionally checked out. But you can't be emotionally present if you're not physically there enough of the time.

And then I come home and there I can be present for my child. Your child has needed you all day long. And when you come home, that's on your time. You need to be there a quality of time as well as a quantity of time. I always say to people that you can be physically present but be emotionally checked out. But you can't be emotionally present if you're not physically there enough of the time.

And that's just a reality. So what are the careers that are really good? for whoever's going to be the primary attachment figure. Service fields, fields where you have your own business and you can make your own schedule around your children, where your children don't work around you, you work around your children. Physical therapy, psychotherapy, speech therapy, consulting maybe.

And that's just a reality. So what are the careers that are really good? for whoever's going to be the primary attachment figure. Service fields, fields where you have your own business and you can make your own schedule around your children, where your children don't work around you, you work around your children. Physical therapy, psychotherapy, speech therapy, consulting maybe.