Dr. Erica Komisar

And if you miss that window, it's not the end of the world because you can... A word that we use is to repair. You can repair a lot of the damage, but... To repair the damage, you can't go back. It's sort of like going to a confessional if you're Catholic. You go in and you say, oh, Father, I murdered somebody today. And the priest says, well, say 12 Hail Marys. I don't know. I'm not Catholic.

And if you miss that window, it's not the end of the world because you can... A word that we use is to repair. You can repair a lot of the damage, but... To repair the damage, you can't go back. It's sort of like going to a confessional if you're Catholic. You go in and you say, oh, Father, I murdered somebody today. And the priest says, well, say 12 Hail Marys. I don't know. I'm not Catholic.

But you can't go out and murder again. So if you're going to repair, it means that Whatever happens between you and your child, you're trying to be a better parent. You're trying to do things differently, right? You can't take advantage of their good graces and keep pushing them away, pushing them.

But you can't go out and murder again. So if you're going to repair, it means that Whatever happens between you and your child, you're trying to be a better parent. You're trying to do things differently, right? You can't take advantage of their good graces and keep pushing them away, pushing them.

But repair is possible because the brain is plastic and it's always growing and shrinking until it's not.

But repair is possible because the brain is plastic and it's always growing and shrinking until it's not.

The way that I would put it is it takes a relationship to cause the trauma and it takes another relationship to repair it. So the thing that most people don't understand about therapy is And why I really recommend psychodynamic psychotherapy, some people would say psychoanalytic therapy, but a more in-depth kind of therapy that lasts longer is because you develop a relationship.

The way that I would put it is it takes a relationship to cause the trauma and it takes another relationship to repair it. So the thing that most people don't understand about therapy is And why I really recommend psychodynamic psychotherapy, some people would say psychoanalytic therapy, but a more in-depth kind of therapy that lasts longer is because you develop a relationship.

It's not that you are healed from some pithy thing that the therapist says. I mean, I wish I was so smart that I could say this and, you know, everybody would say you're a genius and pay me millions of dollars. It doesn't work like that.

It's not that you are healed from some pithy thing that the therapist says. I mean, I wish I was so smart that I could say this and, you know, everybody would say you're a genius and pay me millions of dollars. It doesn't work like that.

Therapy requires the consistency of a relationship with the therapist because it's through that therapist seeing you through the ups and downs of your life, reflecting your feelings. It's a kind of emotionally reparative experience, but it's not what the therapist says as much as the relationship, the longstanding relationship with the therapist.

Therapy requires the consistency of a relationship with the therapist because it's through that therapist seeing you through the ups and downs of your life, reflecting your feelings. It's a kind of emotionally reparative experience, but it's not what the therapist says as much as the relationship, the longstanding relationship with the therapist.

So what's healing is the relationship rather than the interpretations, right?

So what's healing is the relationship rather than the interpretations, right?

Okay, so the idea is that to really heal, it requires relationships. And those relationships sometimes can be people that you love. The problem with people that you love is that you end up burdening those people emotionally.

Okay, so the idea is that to really heal, it requires relationships. And those relationships sometimes can be people that you love. The problem with people that you love is that you end up burdening those people emotionally.

with you can burden overburden the people that you love with your conflicts your internal losses so you know if you find yourself using the people that you love like therapists if you find that you're using the people that you love um to to deal with past losses um I would say it can corrupt the relationship. So you have to be careful.

with you can burden overburden the people that you love with your conflicts your internal losses so you know if you find yourself using the people that you love like therapists if you find that you're using the people that you love um to to deal with past losses um I would say it can corrupt the relationship. So you have to be careful.

So the reason to go to a therapist would be to preserve the – it's not that you don't share with the person that you love, but you don't want to overburden your friends or your lovers with the burdens of your childhood trauma, right? So I always say that – Therapy becomes like a safe container.

So the reason to go to a therapist would be to preserve the – it's not that you don't share with the person that you love, but you don't want to overburden your friends or your lovers with the burdens of your childhood trauma, right? So I always say that – Therapy becomes like a safe container.