Dr. Ethan Kross
speaker
968 appearances
6 recordings
6 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard May 2025
Dr. Ethan Kross’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Let's start the movement right now. I think that's a huge part of it. And, you know, one of the things that I've learned in... doing research in this space and often working with colleagues on this work is we end up serving that accountability function for ourselves, right? Because we're learning about this stuff together. We see the impact it has on participants and on ourselves.
And so we're keeping ourselves accountable to this. And so, you know, I have like, I call it the, I have this emotional advisory board. These are folks in my network who I mean, this is such an invaluable resource I possess. These are not trained clinicians per se. These are people just who understand the tools that exist for managing emotions.
And they recognize that sometimes I'm gonna need some support because if the problem's really big, They're in a great position to advise me and they help keep me accountable. And they tune me in to these different shifters that might not be performing optimally. And so I think that is a valuable, valuable commodity.
You know, we can do a lot on our own, but we can do a lot better with other people and cultures on our side. And, you know, that's a hope of this book to really emphasize that for folks.
So whoop, this thing no no no oh i was gonna i was hoping i was gonna tap into your knowledge of music there the music whoop whoop you know the song you don't know that song you're on you're just making weird noises into a mic no sorry oh come on you don't know that song whoop there it is oh right of course right well i i think oof there it is is or whoop there it is
Yeah, okay. I do know. Anyone know the actual name of that song? What's it called? I do. It's actually called Wump with an M, not Wump. But I thought for decades it was Wump. Okay, so this is a fantastic question. And it's actually the penultimate chapter of my book. And it's titled From Knowing to Doing. Because so often... And this is a huge source of frustration for me, right?
Like we give people tools, like I encounter tools, but I learn about them. And then we just don't use them when we need to use them. And so this is a giant problem that scientists have noted for decades. And they've actually developed a framework for helping people go from knowledge to action, from making this emotion regulation something you read about,
to something that you make automatic in your life. And here's how it works. WHOOP is an acronym. So there are a couple of steps. So W, that's the wish. What is your goal? My goal is to not get upset with my, not like have a huge reaction with my kids when they don't listen to me or my wife. Okay, that's the goal. O, the first O, what's the outcome you hope to accomplish if you fulfill this wish?
Well, I hope our family is, it's a happier family, like we're closer, we have less arguments. The purpose of that O, that next step, is to energize you, to really kind of show you what's at stake here.
Yeah, to really commit you to engaging in this pursuit. Now let's get to the second O, which is the obstacle. All right, well, what are the obstacles that might stand in the way from you achieving this goal and the outcome that would come with it? Well, when I hear them talk back to me or get ugly with each other, it instantly affects me.
It reminds me of things from my childhood that I didn't like, and I react impulsively. All right, now we've identified the chief obstacle that stands in the way. Now let's get to the P, which is a plan. But it's not a specific plan. It's what we call an if-then plan.
If I see my daughters fighting with each other or talking disrespectfully to my wife and I, then, and then you plug in your shifter, then I will... Think about how I'm going to feel about this a year from now. Or then I'm going to broaden my perspective by recognizing their kids, their brains are still developing, they don't have great control yet.
And you just plug in the thens that you think are going to work best for you. And you actually write that out. you then rehearse it a few times. And what the research shows is that engaging in that exercise dramatically improves people's ability to activate this knowledge, to use these tools Or whatever the tools are that are in their plan when they actually need them.
Interestingly enough, this is something very similar to what the Navy SEALs do before they have missions. So they will sit down in a group. They will first specify what's their goal. What's the outcome they hope to achieve? Then they'll list out what are all the obstacles that might stand in the way. For every obstacle, they come up with a plan. If this happens, then we're going to do this.
If this happens, then we're going to do that. And then they go around the room and Socratic style call on one another to make sure everyone has that plan intact. This is one of the most successful organizations in the world at accomplishing their goals. And they're using a framework that is very similar to what scientists have suggested.
all of us can use to help us achieve the regulatory goals that we have and so if you're committed to something if there's a goal you have that's really important consider doing one of these whoops the more you do it the more ingrained it'll become wow
Yeah, so I'll give you my go-to shifters. I'll preface it by saying, I think the challenge that everyone faces is, A, learn about all the tools that are out there and then start experimenting to finding the tools that work best for you. I've done that. And I have some great plans that work for me. So if I'm...
like phase one shifting for me i jump into the mental time travel machine forward in time back in time and i coach myself through the problem using my own name and you like those three distancing tools very very powerful for for me i will also um i'll also use attention i'll take some breaks i i used to try to dive into something right away if i can afford not to if i can take some time away and distract a little bit i will do that as well um
depending on the context, music is always at the ready. And I specifically use music prior to performance contexts. I find that sometimes I actually need to amp myself up. Like I speak a lot. And so sometimes it's like I'm just, I'm going in there and I'm like, I don't feel anything right now. That's not good, right? So I've got some heavy stuff that kind of gets me going.
Sometimes though, if the stakes are really high, It's the equivalent of your Manchester performance. I need something to calm me down and get me locked in. And so I'll use music as a shifter as well. Let's say that round one suite of tools, and I mix it up depending on the situation amongst those few. Let's say that doesn't work. Then I go right to my emotional advisory board.
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