Dr. Ethan Kross
speaker
968 appearances
6 recordings
6 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard May 2025
Dr. Ethan Kross’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
That's a powerful reframe to have in your toolbox because especially if you are on social media, these things do happen more frequently now than before because we're constantly exposed to the accomplishments of other folks. And now you have a tool to, when you find yourself encountering those instances, flipping it.
Now there's another reframe when it comes to comparisons that I think is also important. Sometimes we will come across individuals who have suffered some tragedy, work, health, relationship. And some people, when they come across that information, their default is to think, oh my God, it happened to them. It can happen to me. And that can be a source of negativity as well that can bring us down.
Odd type of empathy. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, Oh no. Like what if this happens to me? What if I get sick? What if I get nailed for whatever? Um, That can be the default, but a reframe here is, wow, I'm so grateful this hasn't happened to me. It doesn't mean you don't still feel bad for that individual, but now like, oh my God, I'm so fortunate I didn't get that diagnosis. Everything is fine.
So it's a reframe there as well. So I'd like to share these with folks because I think these social comparisons that are such a huge part of our lives... We can often feel trapped when we engage in them. And there are things we can do to lessen the negative impact that they have. So that's another way in which you could manage your relationships. Yeah, go for it.
With respect to how insecure you are, whether you fall victim to these social comparisons.
Well, I think they're So I stand by this notion that social comparisons are an inevitable feature of the human condition, and that given that, you want to have tools to mitigate the negative impact that they have and actually turn those comparisons into something you could benefit from. Having said that, there are things you can do to curate your
experiences in this world to to minimize the likelihood of engaging in certain kinds of comparisons that might repeatedly lead you astray so what do i mean by that if you find for example that there's someone on your feed whatever your social media application of choice is that they're a vulnerability spot for you so they are someone who you know maybe you don't like them you asked about liking maybe they're a real competitor and and you find that just you know
Learning about their monthly podcast downloads just sends you astray.
That's right. So, you know, what did we talk about with the pizza before? that getting rid of that pizza and the trigger in the first place from a regulatory standpoint is likely to be a lot more effective than having to deal with it once it is activated. So curating your feeds, right? Minimizing the degree in which you come into contact with that information. That's another step you can take.
And it's blending the environment and the social, which is another important piece to keep in mind that these tools often go hand in hand. So like another example of that is nature, going for a walk in nature. That's an environmental tool. But one of the reasons why nature is so restorative is it captures our attention from the sensory experiences, the smells, the sights.
So there are these ways in which These different shifters are coming together in different experiences. Final one, culture. Culture. It's the air we breathe. It is everywhere. And it's often something we take for granted. And I think the more we stop to really think about the role plays in our emotional lives and the lives of people we care about, the better off we will all be. What is culture?
Number one, it's our values and our beliefs. So let's bring this whole conversation full circle. Do you think you can actually control your emotions? Yes. Our culture, thank you, good answer. Our culture is giving us those beliefs. I am communicating to my kids from the time they're little,
That, yeah, you may not be able to control when you experience an emotion, but once you have it, there's a lot of things you can do. You don't have to feel this way. If you don't want to, you can do these other things, right? So I am the culture, and family is a kind of microculture. I'm giving my kids values and beliefs. Values, like...
We value the role that emotions play in our lives, and we also value the importance of regulating those emotions to help us achieve our goals. We believe that it is possible to do so. Another important thing that culture does, though, is it doesn't just give us these values and beliefs. It gives us tools. To help us live up to those values and beliefs, right? To actualize them.
I'm giving my kids tools. How am I giving them tools? I'm talking about these things. I assure you, I'm not giving lectures at dinner every night, like PowerPoint presentations on these things, but... I'm talking about the stuff I learn about, the stuff I am studying in the lab. I'm asking them about their experiences and how they are dealing with stuff.
I'm having conversations like I think so many parents have with their kids, but I'm injecting lessons in there that I think are going to serve them well, which is what good parenting is all about, right? We're socializing our kids to give them the best chance to of living the best life they can live. And I think a big part of that is giving them tools to manage their emotions.
So that's culture at its best. Now, the other thing to know about culture, though, is You may find yourself in cultures that from an emotion management standpoint, they are just remarkable. Certain organizations really value having a healthy, positive kind of orientation. They give you lots of tools, benefits for helping you manage your emotions.
Other cultures can be toxic with respect to emotions like they don't matter. We're going to grind you away. Survival of the fittest. If you find... that you are in a culture that is pushing your emotions consistently in the wrong direction and there's not much you can do about it, then you've got some interesting options.
And one option is to leave that culture and switch over to another one if it is not serving you well because it is ever-present and it can exert a powerful role on your emotional life.
That's exactly right. Those are the two options. And I think it's just so easy to overlook the power that culture has on us. But it's the air we breathe.
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