Dr. Gabor Maté

So...

But if we didn't kill those parts, but made friends with them, if somebody came to me with that kind of pattern of, I'm that sexual guy,

but they realize that it's not, they might feel high for a moment like any addict will.

It's not fulfilling.

It's not fulfilling.

I wouldn't say kill that part of you.

I'd say let's make friends with it.

Let's find out what it's really trying to do for you.

What it's trying to do for you is trying to make you feel wanted, making you feel valuable, making you feel desirable, making you feel loved temporarily, making you feel powerful.

What happened to you that you don't feel lovable, that you don't feel desirable, that you don't feel powerful?

In other words, it's not a matter of getting rid of these parts or these aspects of ourselves.

It's a question of actually getting to know them.

And they all began as coping mechanisms.

That man that you describe in your book, I guarantee he's a highly traumatized human being.

Mm-hmm.

Well, I mean, it's not that I can prescribe what should be for everybody and there's many different ways of working, but one of the things I would address, first of all, is the shame.

Like one of the impacts of trauma is shame because children are narcissists by nature.

When I say narcissist, I don't mean in a pathological negative sense.

I mean, they think it's all about them.

The world revolves around me.