Dr. James Hollis

Men's lives are governed by fear-based responses.

And there's a certain level of competitiveness that is central to men's culture.

Women learn through the years, probably out of necessity.

to cooperate and support each other.

And they can get through difficult things by doing that.

For men, you're always having to demonstrate your competency in one area or another.

And the one thing you don't want to do is be a loser, you see.

It's a zero sum game, winners and losers.

And ultimately, there's a deep, deep longing for, well, there's a fear of the feminine, so-called, that can include the feminine within.

Hence, men's estranging themselves from themselves.

I had a client many years ago who was sent into therapy by his wife saying, you know, either you go to therapy or I'm out of here.

So he was there very reluctantly and he walked in and he saw a box of tissue there, a Kleenex box.

And he just kind of sniffed at that without saying anything.

And I knew exactly what he was saying, but I acted like I didn't.

And he thought I'd missed the clue.

And so he pointed the box and sniffed again.

And I said, what's this about?

And he said, well, you had a woman in here before, don't you?

I'm not going to be needing that.

And I said, you know, every man has a lake of tears inside of himself and a mountain of anger in there.