Dr. James Hollis

And I said, sooner or later.

And he said, no, no, we have other better ways of dealing with that.

And I thought, well, our prognosis is not very good here.

He left after about five sessions because it was just going to ask more than he was capable of.

So there's a fear of the feminist, like I have to be so much in my masculine mode of combativeness or competitiveness or expression of competency, I can't afford anything that would undo my shaky hold on that.

Wheresoever you see macho behavior, you see fear-based overcompensations, what it amounts to, right?

Saber rattling is always a fear-based response.

And underneath there is a very deep longing for the wise father, for the person you could see some modeling from, who would teach you something, who would share with you wisdom he's learned along the way.

And so

You know, the condition of modern men and things have changed a great deal.

And I think partly stirred by the revolution in the history of women, you know, and their courage in addressing these stereotypes about what a woman is and what she's supposed to do with her life.

required men to start looking at themselves as well.

So women have done us a great favor, not always recognized by men.

But in both cases, you have to say, all right, the message you have from family of origin and culture may or may not work for you, but you're here to, in a certain way,

deconstruct those expectations and find your own path.

The Spanish analyst Irene de Castillejo, long deceased now, talked about the difference between focused awareness and diffuse awareness.

And I think rather than talk about gender, which is a social construct coming out of this culture or this culture or this culture, talk about those are two different modes of orientation to the world.

And we need both.

We need focused awareness that's goal-directed behavior that is historically associated with the masculine.

And we also need this awareness of context and of relationship.