Dr. Jenna Flowers
speaker
197 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Dec 2016
last heard Dec 2016
Dr. Jenna Flowers’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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But when I have worked with children that are more high needs or sensory sensitive, the emotional life of these children
requires a lot of regulation.
And so if you are planning to go ahead and divorce or separate, you need to create a lot of basically time for that child to process and understand it and be very intentional about how you go about separating the family.
That this isn't something that's just done on the quick.
that um you've put a lot of preparation and timing into the discussion of with your your partner about how you're gonna about go about telling the children where the kids are going to live, that the structure is already in place.
And that also there is a real
rhythm that is acknowledged to what that child needs on a daily basis and that you create it in both homes because you want the child to feel as regulated as possible in something that is relationally really traumatic.
And so, you know, typically with kids that have more high needs are are definitely wired, they're really sensitive to what's happening into the emotional lives of their parents.
So the more calm you are about how you relate this, the more that you've done your own inner emotional work before you share with the kids what is about to happen to the family, the better off your kids will be.
parent himself or herself has really continued to m make sense of why they left the marriage
and to give a narrative to that child that isn't detailed because oftentimes parents overshare with their kids when it comes to why they're divorcing, but just that you take um position of, you know, the the one in authority and basically that
you know, mom and dad still love you no matter what, even though we can no longer be together, that doesn't mean that there still isn't a family here, right?
And you are our family and we're gonna do our very best to care for you, to love you, to be in your
your corner and uh that's just uh I don't know what more I wanna say about that, but just the continued s support um for that child to know that both parents are there no matter what.
I would also say though, it it really is important to not be overly intrusive with details with with kiddos, especially, you know, once again, kids that are more sensitive to their parents' emotions because they will end up taking it on and they'll feel like a burden.
They'll also start to not share things when they go for their shared time with other parents because they're worried of hurting the other parents' feelings.
Some kids feel really protective.
For the other parent.
So you really want to be managing your own uh mental health and making sure that your child is not taking care of you, but you are definitely taking care of them.
And that does mean that you have a larger emotional support network, you know, whether it's really good friends
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