Dr. John Gottman

In lieu of that, have a copy of our book. Thank you very much.

Okay, so this came out of a seven year long study and it really took a long time to figure this one out because it was so subtle, but also so simple for all of us to do. So here's what it looks like. Let's say you're sitting in the living room and you happen to notice this beautiful blue jay out the window. You might say out loud, wow, look at that incredible bird.

Okay, so this came out of a seven year long study and it really took a long time to figure this one out because it was so subtle, but also so simple for all of us to do. So here's what it looks like. Let's say you're sitting in the living room and you happen to notice this beautiful blue jay out the window. You might say out loud, wow, look at that incredible bird.

Okay, so this came out of a seven year long study and it really took a long time to figure this one out because it was so subtle, but also so simple for all of us to do. So here's what it looks like. Let's say you're sitting in the living room and you happen to notice this beautiful blue jay out the window. You might say out loud, wow, look at that incredible bird.

86%.

86%.

86%.

86%. Sorry, honey. 86% of the time. And compare that to the times the partner who ended up in an unhappy relationship turned towards each other. That was 33% of the time. That's a huge difference, right? 86%. compared to 33. So you can see how turning toward was so important in the longevity and the happiness of a successful relationship, even six years down the road.

86%. Sorry, honey. 86% of the time. And compare that to the times the partner who ended up in an unhappy relationship turned towards each other. That was 33% of the time. That's a huge difference, right? 86%. compared to 33. So you can see how turning toward was so important in the longevity and the happiness of a successful relationship, even six years down the road.

86%. Sorry, honey. 86% of the time. And compare that to the times the partner who ended up in an unhappy relationship turned towards each other. That was 33% of the time. That's a huge difference, right? 86%. compared to 33. So you can see how turning toward was so important in the longevity and the happiness of a successful relationship, even six years down the road.

Okay, so bids for connection in a nutshell are when you are saying something or doing something that is a request for your partner's attention or a request for your partner to fulfill some need of yours. So let's take some subtle examples. Let's say that I've been working in the kitchen, John's in the living room, and he is breathing.

Okay, so bids for connection in a nutshell are when you are saying something or doing something that is a request for your partner's attention or a request for your partner to fulfill some need of yours. So let's take some subtle examples. Let's say that I've been working in the kitchen, John's in the living room, and he is breathing.

Okay, so bids for connection in a nutshell are when you are saying something or doing something that is a request for your partner's attention or a request for your partner to fulfill some need of yours. So let's take some subtle examples. Let's say that I've been working in the kitchen, John's in the living room, and he is breathing.

I walk in from the kitchen, I sit down on the couch, and I say, what are you reading? Okay, now, he can respond to that in a couple of ways. He can either say, it's just a book on physics, and he'll go back to reading. Or he can be pretty alert to bids for connection and he can say, oh, it's a book on physics. Do you want to hear what it's about?

I walk in from the kitchen, I sit down on the couch, and I say, what are you reading? Okay, now, he can respond to that in a couple of ways. He can either say, it's just a book on physics, and he'll go back to reading. Or he can be pretty alert to bids for connection and he can say, oh, it's a book on physics. Do you want to hear what it's about?

I walk in from the kitchen, I sit down on the couch, and I say, what are you reading? Okay, now, he can respond to that in a couple of ways. He can either say, it's just a book on physics, and he'll go back to reading. Or he can be pretty alert to bids for connection and he can say, oh, it's a book on physics. Do you want to hear what it's about?

And I'll say, yeah, tell me all about it, even though I'll glaze over as you do so. And he does. So that's a bid for connection. Another one might be, let's say I'm working hard in the kitchen again and, uh, He comes in and he says, hmm, what's for dinner? And I say, ah, chicken stew. Then I ask for a knee. Would you mind setting the table?

And I'll say, yeah, tell me all about it, even though I'll glaze over as you do so. And he does. So that's a bid for connection. Another one might be, let's say I'm working hard in the kitchen again and, uh, He comes in and he says, hmm, what's for dinner? And I say, ah, chicken stew. Then I ask for a knee. Would you mind setting the table?

And I'll say, yeah, tell me all about it, even though I'll glaze over as you do so. And he does. So that's a bid for connection. Another one might be, let's say I'm working hard in the kitchen again and, uh, He comes in and he says, hmm, what's for dinner? And I say, ah, chicken stew. Then I ask for a knee. Would you mind setting the table?

Well, by then, if he turns away, he's walking out of the kitchen. He's not going to hear the bid for connection. Or he can say, yeah, sure. Simple as that. Sometimes the need is deeper. So a bid for connection might sound like this. It might be, let's say I'm sitting on the couch this time and staring out the window.