Dr. Julie Gottman

is to simply listen and try to understand what was stressful for the person.

Not solving the problem, not giving them a solution, because that actually can feel condescending to the other person.

As if, gee, you don't think I'm smart enough to answer this myself to figure it out?

No, I just want empathy for my feelings.

I want validation for my feelings.

So what that would sound like is, I had a terrible day at work.

He might ask a question that says, gosh, what happened?

I say, well, my boss chewed me out in front of everybody.

It was really embarrassing.

And he might say then, God, that sounds terrible.

You must have felt like sinking through the floor.

Wow, I don't feel alone anymore.

And that truly is one of the most powerful forces inside connection, is helping the other person to not feel alone.

You know, a lot of men do, Simon, but guess what?

So do women.

Okay.

Here's why.

Because as women have joined the workforce, right, they came back into the workforce in the 70s, basically, at least in our country.

Before that, they were staying at home with the kids and taking care of the home, etc.

Well, now they're back in the workforce.