Dr. Julie Gottman

It is the worst of the four horsemen.

I mean, it just gallops right over your body.

And that one is like criticism, but it's coming from a place of superiority.

So it is expressed through sarcasm, through mockery, through rolling your eyes.

You know, if anybody has teenagers here, they know what contempt looks like.

When you see your teenager going,

That is contempt.

Contempt is like criticism, but it combines with it scorn, disrespect, disgust.

I'm disgusted by you.

And it is like sulfuric acid for the relationship.

In fact, the number of times that a listener in a relationship hears contempt from their partner relates to how many infectious illnesses they're going to have in the next four years.

And isn't that incredible?

So contempt is not only dangerous for the relationship, it's also dangerous for the immune system of the listener.

And even in some cases for the giver of that contempt.

Content means creating shame and humiliation in the other person.

And what happens when you feel shame?

You feel terrible about yourself and your body is going to start excreting cortisol and adrenaline.

Right.

which are stress hormones.

Those stress hormones are not good for the immune system.