Dr. Julie Smith

suddenly you put a scoreboard between you, which means that their victories mean some sort of loss for you and vice versa. Then you can't share your personal victories because they see it as a threat. And so then your conversations are censored between you. There's things you can't say. Or even when you're

suddenly you put a scoreboard between you, which means that their victories mean some sort of loss for you and vice versa. Then you can't share your personal victories because they see it as a threat. And so then your conversations are censored between you. There's things you can't say. Or even when you're

telling them about something that's gone wrong for you or something hard that you're dealing with, that's a bid for connection, right? A bid for support. But they'll come back with, oh, well, I had something worse. So suddenly you're in this competition with the person who you're supposed to support and they're supposed to support you back. And so anytime that you compare yourself

telling them about something that's gone wrong for you or something hard that you're dealing with, that's a bid for connection, right? A bid for support. But they'll come back with, oh, well, I had something worse. So suddenly you're in this competition with the person who you're supposed to support and they're supposed to support you back. And so anytime that you compare yourself

telling them about something that's gone wrong for you or something hard that you're dealing with, that's a bid for connection, right? A bid for support. But they'll come back with, oh, well, I had something worse. So suddenly you're in this competition with the person who you're supposed to support and they're supposed to support you back. And so anytime that you compare yourself

to someone that you're in a decent relationship with is bad news. And that's often what I talk about in the book about the social comparison stuff is online people will tell you, just stop comparing yourself to other people. And that is impossible, right? Because we're human beings.

to someone that you're in a decent relationship with is bad news. And that's often what I talk about in the book about the social comparison stuff is online people will tell you, just stop comparing yourself to other people. And that is impossible, right? Because we're human beings.

to someone that you're in a decent relationship with is bad news. And that's often what I talk about in the book about the social comparison stuff is online people will tell you, just stop comparing yourself to other people. And that is impossible, right? Because we're human beings.

Often the problem is not that you're comparing, it's that you're making the wrong comparisons that's going to lead you down the wrong path.

Often the problem is not that you're comparing, it's that you're making the wrong comparisons that's going to lead you down the wrong path.

Often the problem is not that you're comparing, it's that you're making the wrong comparisons that's going to lead you down the wrong path.

So let's say you want to get better at something, right? So let's say you want to do better at tennis, then comparing yourself to one of the greats is when you're just starting out, it's probably really unhelpful. But also what you want to do is compare yourself to someone who... is going to help you get to where you need to go.

So let's say you want to get better at something, right? So let's say you want to do better at tennis, then comparing yourself to one of the greats is when you're just starting out, it's probably really unhelpful. But also what you want to do is compare yourself to someone who... is going to help you get to where you need to go.

So let's say you want to get better at something, right? So let's say you want to do better at tennis, then comparing yourself to one of the greats is when you're just starting out, it's probably really unhelpful. But also what you want to do is compare yourself to someone who... is going to help you get to where you need to go.

So let's say you want to improve your backhand and there's someone at the local club who does that really well. And they might be a few steps ahead of you in their journey. But what you can do there is you can look at that and learn from that what they do well. So you've got to be really concrete. It's got to be very separate.

So let's say you want to improve your backhand and there's someone at the local club who does that really well. And they might be a few steps ahead of you in their journey. But what you can do there is you can look at that and learn from that what they do well. So you've got to be really concrete. It's got to be very separate.

So let's say you want to improve your backhand and there's someone at the local club who does that really well. And they might be a few steps ahead of you in their journey. But what you can do there is you can look at that and learn from that what they do well. So you've got to be really concrete. It's got to be very separate.

So not comparing personalities or types or self-worth, you're comparing something that is actually going to be helpful for you in your path with what you want to do well at. So you can see how that could be a great learning experience. Of course.

So not comparing personalities or types or self-worth, you're comparing something that is actually going to be helpful for you in your path with what you want to do well at. So you can see how that could be a great learning experience. Of course.

So not comparing personalities or types or self-worth, you're comparing something that is actually going to be helpful for you in your path with what you want to do well at. So you can see how that could be a great learning experience. Of course.