Dr. Karl Pillemer

Unfortunately or fortunately, we like people who are similar to us.

For example, you'll notice that when you first have a child, pretty soon your social network consists only of other people who have children because you gravitate towards them.

And so your friendship network consists of people who also have children and your other folks drop out.

That's just one example.

We like to be around people who are fundamentally similar to us more than we like to be around people who are very different.

And most important is people who share similar values.

So I think that's one of the things they mean about choose carefully.

You have to go beyond attraction.

Another feature of choose carefully is

is that nobody wants to lose passion, but your relationship, they say, you have to nurture qualities of friendship.

And I'm going to give one very specific piece of advice.

People who are in long marriages offer this piece of advice, and I want to offer it directly to your listeners.

Embrace your partner's interests.

So rather than being angry that she's playing golf on Sunday, learn to play golf.

Rather than learning, and I can use my own daughter as an example, that one of the things your husband loves is fantasy football.

Rather than being angry about that, join the fantasy football league.

I had many older people say, people I call in the book tough old guys, I'm

I never thought I'd go to opera, but I just decided my wife likes that and I'm going to do it.

People started to do the practical step in so many relationships of the anger that mounts because a person has a specific interest and the partner thinks it's ridiculous.

So here's one of the things that people—because I interview older people across the racial and ethnic spectrum.