Dr. Karl Pillemer

You can't assume that people understand how much you love them, how much you care about them, how proud you are of them.

It doesn't have to be negative things or forgiveness.

But we often don't, you know, it's what I said early on.

You treat these moments as precious rather than routine because our relationships get routine.

I think that's an excellent piece of advice is what might you not be saying that needs to be said now?

Yes, and I love that shoes in the store window metaphor.

Okay.

I mean, I think that that really is the concept that if we're constantly comparing ourselves to what we could have done,

It is a really dangerous and damaging possible thing.

I would say one thing you could do if you're listening in to here is you could reflect on this.

Am I making certain kinds of decisions or do I tend to second guess myself?

Is there something I'm second guessing right now?

that would be better just to let go or just to leave it alone.

So you can analyze yourself.

Where are you doing this kind of emphasizing your own regrets?

So one thing is just awareness, and you can definitely look at what's going on and you can let it go.

Another thing you can do is become aware that you're being pushed towards a kind of perfectionism by our culture.

And the more you are watching so-called influencers showing you their perfect refrigerator, their perfect bedroom, their perfect body, their perfect face, you are going to be pushed towards perfectionism.

So you can inoculate yourself against that.

But finally, you need to practice self-compassion.