Dr. Karl Pillemer

I wish I had that portion of my life back.

So when you get into mindless ruminating worry, here's one action step.

Know for a fact that when you reach the end of your life and you look back on it, you will say, a lot of the things I worried about didn't happen.

Things happened I didn't even think to worry about, and I wish I had that time back that I had spent mindlessly worrying and ruminating.

So one technique I use is I imagine this auditorium full of old people, because it was a universal part of elder wisdom, yelling at me,

You know, stop worrying about X. Now, I'm such a worrier that I could actually have a calendar scheduling in worries, you know, daughter one, daughter two, grandchildren, job, climate change.

I mean, so that this for me was immensely helpful.

The second thing that they argue, and I think it's very actionable, is they really believe in planning.

So they aren't saying don't not plan, don't live through rose-colored glasses, but they really urge, for whatever it is that you're worried about, conscious planning.

So that's the sense of take advantage of what you can control rather than what you can't.

I think they would also argue because this particular insight, even though they didn't know it, is so consistent with principles of cognitive behavioral therapy

That if you are an incessant worrier, there are therapies that can help you.

And taking that time to work through the elimination of these negative ruminating thoughts, putting in the effort, really can pay off for an entire lifetime.

If I were talking to your listeners, I would say one thing that you are likely to regret is

is not investing enough time and energy in people you love or like and making sure that they are aware of it.

So I would say that that's one key thing is when I analyze all the regrets that people have.

They are much more about people than they are about career.

And they are much more about...

Not engaging with, attending to, as I said at the beginning, being present and intentional about relationships.

So, for example, not investing time in relationships.